My Journals
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January 7,
300 words.
All.
0 comments.
Cut my life into pieces....Well all of yall did that for me This is my last resort....tis is, so dont stop me Suffocation....lungs crushing No breathing ....paradise Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding ....releases the pressure Do you even care if I die bleeding ....never cared before so dont start Who did me wrong ...everyone of yall bitches Who did me right ...God If I took ...
Cut my life into pieces....Well all of yall did that for me
This is my last resort....tis is, so dont stop me
Suffocation....lungs crushing
No breathing ....paradise
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding ....releases the pressure
Do you even care if I die bleeding ....never cared before so dont start
Who did me wrong ...everyone of yall bitches
Who did me right ...God
If I took my life tonight ...plan on
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight ...100%
And I'm contemplating suicide ...not contemplating, i'm planning
'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind ...it already gone
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine ...dont waste your time
I never realized I was spread too thin...realized i just wished otherwise
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother ...never had my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another ...love for everyone but myself
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils ...devils who own my soul
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine ...should of told me sooner
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying ....I'm smiling
I'm crying ....I'm laughing
I'm crying ....I'm dying
I can't go on living this way ...so I'm ending it
I can't go on living this way ...so 3hrs and its the end
Can't go on ...3hrs and all is inimportant
Living this way
Nothing's alright ....everything is perfect! I'm dead.
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I'm running out of energy. I go to school full time, I work part time after school babysitting, i play tennis, i'm in my numerous clubs and organizations, I volunteer my time tutoring or at the nursing home...We all know my health is horrible. I spend a quarter of my time in a chair cause of my hip problem, and these heart problems not helping anything. Well now both my parents are sick...My mom has always had these migranes that literally make her bed ridden for days...She can't walk, she...
I'm running out of energy. I go to school full time, I work part time after school babysitting, i play tennis, i'm in my numerous clubs and organizations, I volunteer my time tutoring or at the nursing home...We all know my health is horrible. I spend a quarter of my time in a chair cause of my hip problem, and these heart problems not helping anything. Well now both my parents are sick...My mom has always had these migranes that literally make her bed ridden for days...She can't walk, she can't eat, she can't move, she hallucinates...My father and me use to have to carry her to bed, now his back is no good so I help them both. My mom is no skinny lady either, so carrying her to bed takes so much energy and puts a ton of pressure on my back and my bad hip. I stay up almost every night making sure my mom doesn't have an attack during the night in which i have to rush her to the hospital. Moving her around and trying to make her eat is such a battle. My father still works as much as he can but now if he sits down or lays down i have to help him up. So every day at 5 o clock he yells for me to help him up and once he's home from work its almost every hour. I have to put his socks on and his boots cause he can no longer bend over and do it himself. when he comes home sometimes he gets these awful chest pains and i'm scared hes going to have another heart attack. He lays on the floor holding his chest and trying to catch his breath...my father is very stubborn and never goes to the hospital so I'm scared of losing him...my parents are both 52 and I'm only 16 I can only do so much if my father has to quit his job i'm going to have to support them which means no college for me, no going off...I'm scared one day I'm going to fall asleep and in the morning I won't have either one of my parents...and I know this lack of sleep is not good on me but I'm to scared to lose them.
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September 9, 2009,
200 words.
All.
1 comment.
I'm literally becoming overwhelmed with my life. School is super hard now(got to do a whole oral report in spanish!!), 4-H is busier than ever, tennis, UIL, student council, Gifted & talented, FCCLA, finding colleges, getting conformed. Every thing is just so much and the worse is my parents keep saying i should have done high school in 4 yrs, yea its alot but ik i can do it but them not supporting me through my hardest yr of school is not helping. So I am probably going to be leaving AP b...
I'm literally becoming overwhelmed with my life. School is super hard now(got to do a whole oral report in spanish!!), 4-H is busier than ever, tennis, UIL, student council, Gifted & talented, FCCLA, finding colleges, getting conformed. Every thing is just so much and the worse is my parents keep saying i should have done high school in 4 yrs, yea its alot but ik i can do it but them not supporting me through my hardest yr of school is not helping. So I am probably going to be leaving AP but i'll get on now and then to check my messages, until next time then. Take care, God Bless & of course SMILE!
If you must get a hold of me here is my e-mails, dogluv6@hotmail.com Kl.wilkins@yahoo.com kaykay.wilkins@gmail.com myspace is Angel_of_All
For the main people i do talk to on MSN, I might be leaving yall as well but for a different reason. If yall want to know why i'll tell you in a private chat cause it is actually a painfull subject for me cause it has already happened to me twice in my life and I don't want it again.
Love u all, thanks for everything, & Smile or i'll come tickle u
~Angel of All~ Aka Kay
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What he doesn't know is I stay up everynight, wishing for him beside me. That his imperfections make me whole. I've loved u since that first day in 5th grade, when we sat in Ms.Rosers class. I could tell u everything about urself. Study u everyday, sitting in class just watching you. I have all the comics u ever made me. the story u made about me, the pictures u drew I have them all, i always have them with me You hugged me on the bus, even when i didn't want i...
What he doesn't know is I stay up everynight, wishing for him beside me.
That his imperfections make me whole.
I've loved u since that first day in 5th grade, when we sat in Ms.Rosers class.
I could tell u everything about urself.
Study u everyday, sitting in class just watching you.
I have all the comics u ever made me.
the story u made about me, the pictures u drew
I have them all, i always have them with me
You hugged me on the bus, even when i didn't want it (but deep down i loved it)
You carried my books to class for me
I sat on your lap and u held me
you were the one that always made me smile
you stopped me from cutting
you stopped me from smoking
you stopped me from being suicidal
you were my friend, the best friend i could ever ask for
you let me use ur jacket when i was cold( I never brought my own cause i loved urs)
but no you are gone,
I never got to tell you how i loved you,
I was a fool ur gone!! u moved and i won't see u again.
I love u!! but I never could tell u and now ur gone and it hurts worse than i thought it would.
You are my love, no matter what
I will love you all the days of my life.
omg i just want you back but your gone
My other items
- Column: About me at allpoetry
Little info about me, what things mean to me
- If I died at allpoetry
If I died,
I would be dead.
- Sista at allpoetry
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