i cant see my future anymore. i used to be able to see, i used to be able to see me in a home, with kids (no more than 2 lol) and married to some guy that is not a asshole (like all my other ex's...well exept for tim). i used to see me in a room painting and drawing...making music...writing, basicly doing what i love but now.....now whan i try to see it again i cant see anything. not a single glimmer of it. i cant seem to get a job, please my parents....pass math...NOT unintentionally insult others. its like everything i touch or want turns to ash before me. i feel like saying fuck it, just fuck it all. damn i cant even get a boyfriend that i really like and think is worth while...and id be shocked as hell if i find a soul worth while here in lorain! i cant even find some one worthy WITHIN my state! what the hell! snickies you dont even know all of my past...love im broken and soon you wont be able to put me back together again hun.....i know im not one to give up and i know what i said about things being better in the end but...i cant see it....im so blind....i feel so dead. i cant even see the beauty anymore...the beauty in me or my suroundings.one day, i was walking home in the spring when i lived by cenral park. i looked at the trees around me and the flowers and all the things that make nature so wonderful, and i smiled a genuin smile. one of the things i always know is true is nature. but now, now i look at all the pictures of flowers and trees and....it does not fase me. not even when i looked at the flowers growing in my house. nothing...i feel so empty and worthless. im tired. and snickies remember my double attempt at "freedom"..not when i ran away, but when i got suspended. that was a result of me being tired of everything. i honestly think i will not amount to anything. and if i was to sit and explain every detail why, then you would see it how i do.
