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Grey is my color, A mix of white and black, Pleasant on the outside, But inside, watch your back. Happy smiles, eager ears, You don't know what it's like, to listen to your fears. ... I believe in Yesterday.
Grey is my color,
A mix of white and black,
Pleasant on the outside,
But inside, watch your back.
Happy smiles, eager ears,
You don't know what it's like,
to listen to your fears.
...
I believe in Yesterday.
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Ok well after i posted that yesterday, all of the attitudes just dissapeared, kinda randomly, they didn't know that i typed all of that, so kinda better. but yeah, idk, it just might be a now feeling, i could go back to that not so good.... i guess i have to play it by ear, idt that saying was right.... Mood: ok Pt 2 Well all i have to say is that i guess sumtimes i get lonely, and when i do i seem to get depressed, now im not saying that for sympathy im just stating a fact ...
Ok well after i posted that yesterday, all of the attitudes just dissapeared, kinda randomly, they didn't know that i typed all of that, so kinda better. but yeah, idk, it just might be a now feeling, i could go back to that not so good.... i guess i have to play it by ear, idt that saying was right....
Mood: ok
Pt 2
Well all i have to say is that i guess sumtimes i get lonely, and when i do i seem to get depressed, now im not saying that for sympathy im just stating a fact there, i was thinking, rite now im that way and before i was like that to when i got lonely,, yep
Mood: kinda depressed
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Okay, so for a couple of days I've been sleeping with my playlist playing in the background. At night I leave my iPod on the dock and sleep. Obviously when the playlist ends the music will stop playing since I don't have it set on repeat. The first time I did this, I woke up the next morning to find the iPod next to the dock...
Okay, so for a couple of days I've been sleeping with my playlist playing in the background. At night I leave my iPod on the dock and sleep. Obviously when the playlist ends the music will stop playing since I don't have it set on repeat.
The first time I did this, I woke up the next morning to find the iPod next to the dock instead of on it! I put it on and it was playing a song from another playlist. Weird, maybe I got annoyed and took out my iPod while sleeping AND changed the song! Or there's a ghost in my room who just doesn't enjoy my taste in music.
Last night, I did it again. Slept while my iPod was on the dock. I remember I got annoyed because the music kept on waking me up and paused the song with the remote which is always next to me. I'm sure I would never reach out to the dock to remove the iPod, that's just too much effort and the 'awake' me would never bother (maybe the 'asleep' me is less lazy?). However, I woke up this morning to find that my iPod, once again, had been removed from the dock!
Either I need to record myself while sleeping or that ghost really needs to tell me what kind of music it likes!
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well if you read my previouse journal entry than you know that I planned on asking a new gurl out soon! well I asked her today and.....well, let me tell the story. today was youth class for my church and recently our old church was burnt down. today we were given permission to look around and see what the inside looked like. she and I would alot of times hang out in the back room and goof off on a piano back there. needless to say it is gone now. she wanted to look back there and so ...
well if you read my previouse journal entry than you know that I planned on asking a new gurl out soon! well I asked her today and.....well, let me tell the story.
today was youth class for my church and recently our old church was burnt down. today we were given permission to look around and see what the inside looked like. she and I would alot of times hang out in the back room and goof off on a piano back there. needless to say it is gone now. she wanted to look back there and so I went with her. I let her comment and then told her that I was starting to feel for her. her eyes got wide and she said "no" and ran out the door, leaving me in there alone. I just smiled because I knew that was exactly how she would react so I picked up a pipe off of the ground, broke it, then left the building.
I guess it was a stupid move for me, but it was the only one I knew to make. better luck next time.
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hmm. ok, so, i've been thinking about writing in this journal more regularly. problem is, i need a random idea that has to be done every day to keep me committed to writing here. I will also be turning on that thing that sends you email reminders to write in your journal. Ideas I have so far for keeping myself writing; - start the BBOTWNTKSWDRPM (big book of things we need to know so we don't repeat past mistakes.) - start the MLLD (my life lessons diary)
hmm. ok, so, i've been thinking about writing in this journal more regularly. problem is, i need a random idea that has to be done every day to keep me committed to writing here.
I will also be turning on that thing that sends you email reminders to write in your journal.
Ideas I have so far for keeping myself writing;
- start the BBOTWNTKSWDRPM (big book of things we need to know so we don't repeat past mistakes.)
- start the MLLD (my life lessons diary)
- start the COTD (color of the day)
-start the LOTD (letter of the day)
- start the WOTDSWTLOTD (word of the day starting with the letter of the day)
anyone have any other ideas?
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QklF7jqoDaQ&feature=avmsc2 I heard this nice country song on tv and well I guess you can say it would be something someone special might tell me. I dunno really I just mean its so fimilar the words ro this song and its a great country song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QklF7jqoDaQ&feature=avmsc2
I heard this nice country song on tv and well I guess you can say it would be something someone special might tell me. I dunno really I just mean its so fimilar the words ro this song and its a great country song.
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I....am.....SO.....SORRY!!!! I forgot about my stories! I should be done with them by now but I am so sorry that I have to make you wait! I promise you that I will be making more of them as possible! But I've been kinda busy with sports and stuff,but mostly I'll be working on my stories from now on... -_____- I hate myself,I'm sorry if you haven't seen any new chapters lately... Okay.....My Sasuke sequel story.... Yeah.... I'm really sorry for all of you who are DYING to read th...
I....am.....SO.....SORRY!!!! I forgot about my stories! I should be done with them by now but I am so sorry that I have to make you wait! I promise you that I will be making more of them as possible! But I've been kinda busy with sports and stuff,but mostly I'll be working on my stories from now on... -_____- I hate myself,I'm sorry if you haven't seen any new chapters lately...
Okay.....My Sasuke sequel story.... Yeah.... I'm really sorry for all of you who are DYING to read the next chapter is. Since I forgot about this site,I kinda forgot what I'm writing about also...But I reread it! So I'm going on a role! Don't worry,I'm not going to give up on it since I got this far of the whole Naruto show.But I still need more ideas from all of you,I'm pretty stuck....again. Ehh...I'm half way done with the chapter but CHOP CHOP! I need messages as fast as I can!
My Vampire Knight story...Alright... I kinda noticed on my account in Quizilla.com is not making any progress for the views sooooo I'm going to change the title a bit,I'm just going to add "Zero Love Story" by the name Vampire Knight.And this story I'm really excited than my Sasuke story hahaha.I don't know why,I feel a lot smarter when I write about vampires XD.But anyways,yeah I need some more ideas on this story too.I also reread my chapters of what's going on so I'm trying to figure out some more entertaining ideas for people to keep reading....So... god I have a lot of things to do...
I promise you people that you will get what you want!! DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME AND I LOVE YOU!!
~~~Smilez~~~
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ok most of you don't know this but I see future events. clairvoyant i believe is the word. anyways, I have seen that my sister hayley is going to meet someone tomorrow and i suspect there are going to be more poems written by her about this. lots of reading for me. i love reading her poems but i have feeling she is going to write A LOT. im glad she may have her muse back though.
ok most of you don't know this but I see future events. clairvoyant i believe is the word.
anyways, I have seen that my sister hayley is going to meet someone tomorrow and i suspect there are going to be more poems written by her about this. lots of reading for me. i love reading her poems but i have feeling she is going to write A LOT. im glad she may have her muse back though.
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I don't feel like writing.... at all... even ever again. Nothing seems to stay, my mind changes every second like the world around me. My family seems to be forgetting... everything! They went out and bought a motorcycle, RV, and traded in the truck for a jeep! This stuff is so useless!!! they aren't going through a midlife crisis. they're too old for that. What happened to keeping what we only need! As you can see by only this much my thoughts are scattered and can not be ...
I don't feel like writing.... at all... even ever again.
Nothing seems to stay, my mind changes every second like the world around me.
My family seems to be forgetting... everything!
They went out and bought a motorcycle, RV, and traded in the truck for a jeep! This stuff is so useless!!! they aren't going through a midlife crisis. they're too old for that. What happened to keeping what we only need!
As you can see by only this much my thoughts are scattered and can not be kept in order.
Everything is out of order...
My love is torn.. idk what to do anymore! My father is going out and buying everything with my mother. My boyfriend I rarely see, I hate the feeling of waiting for him. My friends... I don't know how to act, I've never had actual friends before! My nana... she-she's just gone, my love for her is still there... and it's tearing me apart the most.
I hate being so weak! Crying so much everyday over all this! My dad seems to have forgotten his own mother! My boyfriend has forgotten our relationship. My nana... she never forgot me, not even at her funeral. Now my new friends remeber me... and idk what to do... i've never had friends that have remebered me...
All this new... it's replacing the old... some good some bad... but what am I to do?
Now a another problem come to mind... I have a new me... where's the old? where'd she go? Was she better than who i am now? have I gotten worse?
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My mother was 19 when she had me. When she gave birth to me, my biological father was at a party with Shiela (my future former step mom). My mother was more heartbroken when she found out he used her for money. That she was a mere bet and he denied to be the father. Called my mom a harlot. It made her really sad. She met this man at a job she was currently working at the time. He really thought she was pretty and wanted to get to know her. Soon they started...
My mother was 19 when she had me. When she gave birth to me, my biological father was at a party with Shiela (my future former step mom). My mother was more heartbroken when she found out he used her for money. That she was a mere bet and he denied to be the father. Called my mom a harlot. It made her really sad. She met this man at a job she was currently working at the time. He really thought she was pretty and wanted to get to know her. Soon they started to fall in love. He finally got to go over her house one day. He saw how she had no furniture really. That she had no bed but I had a crib though. She barely had food for her. She sacrificed everything for me and my dad falled more in love with her. Later on he bought her furniture and started to buy food for her and me. He bought me clothes and toys. He spoiled me. He loved me like if I was his own daughter. Then he finally proposed to her and she said yes. I am the only kid in my house who never had yard sale clothes. I always have brand new clothes. My dad has spoiled me more than my sisters and tries to show love for my mother that no man has (my mother used to date guys who were druggies. luckly this man isn't) He buys her roses for her b-day and show her love. He even loved her when she cheated on him twice with the same man. My father really loves my mom, my sisters, and especially me. He never lets me be around relatives who doesn't see me as their fleshen blood. It makes me really happy to know that this man has made my mom's life great because she never really had a great life.
I am proud to have a great father figure and even if he does get on my nerves at times about dumb stuff. I still love him and happy that I have a father like him because I won't end up like my other half-siblings who doens't live with me. I won't be a druggie or a harlot. I will be a woman who was raised up morally right and with love.
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I close my eyes, letting the first of the burning, stinging tears fall slowly down my cheeks. My face is clenched, lids closed tight. I bite my lip and try to breathe. I force my eyes to open painfully. There is a quivering in my chest- I hold my breath. Not yet...not yet. My eyes refocus onto the computer screen. My throat swel...
I close my eyes, letting the first of the burning, stinging tears fall slowly down my cheeks. My face is clenched, lids closed tight. I bite my lip and try to breathe.
I force my eyes to open painfully. There is a quivering in my chest- I hold my breath. Not yet...not yet.
My eyes refocus onto the computer screen. My throat swells, throbbing a paining heartbeat against my collarbone.
One is just being herself, happy, nutty, inexpressibly Kimmy. The other, bubbling over with excitement over a day I didn't share.
I run a trembling hand through my hair and look away. The throb has migrated to my chest. It hurts.
Why was this happening? I had been so happy just moments ago.
Finally returning back to what should be a relaxing comfort, the quiet of my room.
My fingers cover my face in confining meshes of quivering flesh. My umpredictable unconscious had slammed into a brick wall. Or perhaps a whirl-wind...a deep downward spiral into nothingness.
Tired...maybe I was tired. Without really thinking, I logged off. I didn't want to talk. My head slowly slid onto the keyboard. A moment later I curled up. My room was always coldest.
I let second after second of the quiet piano music I had on wash over me in rhythmic waves of calm. I didn't care to move, or really inhale, honestly. Sheer reflexes allowed oxygen to reach my cells.
Closed eyes, closed heart. Wishing sleep would come but dreading the morning.
Still...
Silent.
Empty.
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you know what let them diss me, go ahead make fun of me, go ahead say you aint my friend, i just dont giva a fuck what you think u gonna get me pissed All kinds of really mean things about me Cause you're a meany, a meany But it's only cause you're really jealous of me Cause I'm what you wanna be So you just look like a idiot When you say these mean things Cause it's too easy to see You're really just a big weenie, big weenie
you know what let them diss me, go ahead make fun of me, go ahead say you aint my friend, i just dont giva a fuck
what you think u gonna get me pissed
All kinds of really mean things about me
Cause you're a meany, a meany
But it's only cause you're really jealous of me
Cause I'm what you wanna be
So you just look like a idiot
When you say these mean things
Cause it's too easy to see
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie
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Ok I know this is gonna sound weird but I had temporary amnesia. Ya know when you forget a certian ammount of stuff. Well I wasnt sure how I acted in that time but I do remember how I slammed my head. I was swimming and I tried to flip backwards underwater then SLAM! I hit the bottom floor. My parents noticed I didnt put my head up and took me out. I wake up and my parents told me what happened and they said I was asking what was my name and where was I. Then they took me to bed and I fe...
Ok I know this is gonna sound weird but I had temporary amnesia. Ya know when you forget a certian ammount of stuff. Well I wasnt sure how I acted in that time but I do remember how I slammed my head. I was swimming and I tried to flip backwards underwater then SLAM! I hit the bottom floor. My parents noticed I didnt put my head up and took me out.
I wake up and my parents told me what happened and they said I was asking what was my name and where was I. Then they took me to bed and I fell fast asleep and woke up with a MAJOR head ache and remembered everything, honestly THANK GOD! Cause I really thought I wouldnt remember who I was and who I loved the most. I hit my head pretty bad so I have it under ice but I have never been so scared I thought my memory would be lost forever.
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Unstraigtenable hair.with white paint stuck in it.
Unstraigtenable hair.with white paint stuck in it.
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I'm sorry you hate me. I'm sorry you were hurt because of me. I'm sorry you cant trust me. I'm sorry I dont have more confidince. I'm sorry... that you dont think I love you anymore... I'm sorry that there is No more Trust.
I'm sorry you hate me.
I'm sorry you were hurt because of me.
I'm sorry you cant trust me.
I'm sorry I dont have more confidince.
I'm sorry... that you dont think I love you anymore...
I'm sorry that there is No more Trust.
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Well the title alone says it but yeah I feel very guilty on something I did. its not that I killed anyone or anything I guess you can I lost the trust of someone important that I should have never took advantage from and I should have trust her instead of listening to my stupid insticts. So I got another chance but somehow it will take a long time to gain her trust again but I dont care if it takes years I'll do it. So to keep my spirits up I decided to see a buntch of music video's and well ...
Well the title alone says it but yeah I feel very guilty on something I did. its not that I killed anyone or anything I guess you can I lost the trust of someone important that I should have never took advantage from and I should have trust her instead of listening to my stupid insticts. So I got another chance but somehow it will take a long time to gain her trust again but I dont care if it takes years I'll do it. So to keep my spirits up I decided to see a buntch of music video's and well this one caught my attention first and the way I feel right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgPUXiU_n9A
This one I plan to be playing on my guitar later but since I've been feeling blue I havnt played it much but thats ok I am sure I'll get around to it eventually, I got nothing else to do these days so I got the time for it.
I just hope I can make it up to this special person cause it hurted me more than it did for her.
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I believe I was a wolf, or a lycanthrope of some sort, because when I ran I never tired, and the level of my determination was the controlling factor of my speed. I ran along a sideways stretch of grass, with rocks along the right side of me, creating a cliff of about two feet, and to the left of me was a steadily inclining strip of grass. It was like running along the side of a bowl, and there were trees all around with wide, sweeping branches that scraped close to the ground with most of th...
I believe I was a wolf, or a lycanthrope of some sort, because when I ran I never tired, and the level of my determination was the controlling factor of my speed. I ran along a sideways stretch of grass, with rocks along the right side of me, creating a cliff of about two feet, and to the left of me was a steadily inclining strip of grass. It was like running along the side of a bowl, and there were trees all around with wide, sweeping branches that scraped close to the ground with most of the broad leaves being on the far ends of the branches, with some clustering in the heart of the tree just above the main trunk where the greatest bows branched off. The faster I ran, the closer my face came to the ground, and soon I was further inclined to allow my front limbs to touch the ground and push it behind my with all their strength, until at last my arms had thinned into furry legs and I was running much in the manner of a wolf.
The smaller saplings were chiefly to my left, higher by the rim of the bowl I seemed to be running in, and the larger trees to the right, with the roots of their girth situated in the ground below me, under the small cliff of rocks. At once I grabbed hold of one of these branches and, with a powerful kick from my hind legs combined with the still-existing momentum from my run, I managed to propel myself high into the air, making an arc over the trees while still holding tight to one of the branches. This gave my body a sensation of flight, and two more limbs seemed to appear at my back, wide and sweeping like the wings of a bird. This allowed me to glide for a short ways, but the wings seemed to have little power other than to stay erect and makes small changes in angle so as to allow me the ability to swoop upward a small amount or dive downward, as well as shallow turns to the left and right.
When I once again alighted on the ground, I returned to my small human friend, whose face lit up with joy and wonder at the magic of that which had been witnessed. I do not recall its gender, or any other detail but for the fact that he/she was dark-haired with a thick scruff of hair mostly on the top of his/her head, often with a leaf caught in the abundance of hair and a small amount of dirt smeared across the pure, innocent, child-like face with a small, smooth nose like that of a cherub, with wide, beautiful brown eyes. The child had a thin body with long but sinewy limbs, and was just a bit shorter than myself while bot...
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I am not suppose to be embraced. I am rarely embraced and even less often loved. I see the darkness I create and am very proud. I am: The Dark side that resides in every living being. The evil tha...
I am not suppose to be embraced.
I am rarely embraced and even less often loved.
I see the darkness I create and am very proud.
I am:
The Dark side that resides in every living being.
The evil that whispers seductively in your ear.
That little voice you often ignore.
The side of yourself you hide and never let anyone see.
I come out in nightmares and sometimes dreams.
I will never leave you alone and I am always there.
Whispering secretly in your ear.
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I have no identity of my own.
All the thoughts that flash trough here are not mine.
I lurk in the far reaches of every mind.
I am:
The Subconscious Mind.
I file and sort the thoughts. I follow them trough the laberinth of the mind
I watch the ones that are never full formed and tend them till the bloom.
I am the flash of brilliance you get so every so often.
I am the cunning plan you create.
I am all things you think of. Whispering thoughts to you.
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I am related to The Subconscious Mind.
I work with her on a daily bases.
I am the ispiration you get at random times.
I am:
The Muse.
I...
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To anyone who cares, its raining here again. There's even a tornado warning for where I'm at. I can't sleep and I wrote a poem about this. For anyone to read it, its in my poem list and I think its called thunderstorms too. How do I know I'm gonna wake up if the siren thing goes off? I can't sleep and I'm having nightmares like my poem. Someone please tell me I will wake up.
To anyone who cares, its raining here again. There's even a tornado warning for where I'm at. I can't sleep and I wrote a poem about this. For anyone to read it, its in my poem list and I think its called thunderstorms too. How do I know I'm gonna wake up if the siren thing goes off? I can't sleep and I'm having nightmares like my poem. Someone please tell me I will wake up.
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Hey...
I've been really depressed lately. *cries* I don't really want to breathe anymore, so..........I've been contemplating suicide lately. I know that a lot of people love me, but even more people, including my family, hate my guts. The thing is if I committed suicide, I'd be with Eliza. She was the only one who went through what I went through. I don't wanna be among the living anymore, but even if I commit suicide, I'll still walk this Earth because I'm a Jashinist. I can't give up being a Jashinist now; I'm too far into the religion and I love Jashin a lot. I've been trying to keep myself from doing it for my second family and my biological siblings, but I don't think I can handle being hit and abused anymore. I know hearing this from a twenty-year-old is really childish, but it's true...
My beloved is dead, seeing her in my dreams is not enough, my family has been rejecting me since I was nine-years-old, people want me dead. Maybe I should just give them what they want.
Search synonyms for First person: lawyer
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