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Dear all of my amazing TUTS/Thatters/AP friends, Some of you are close, some of you are far but all the same you've all managed to put a smile on my face! TUTS: we've really drifted apart recently but you all are brilliant people. Jummy - I remember the first time we talked was on the forum when your auntie was giving birth, it was so confusing because it was the first time i'd gone on there and all of a sudden I sign in and someone's ordering you to make toast whilst giving birth...
Dear all of my amazing TUTS/Thatters/AP friends,
Some of you are close, some of you are far but all the same you've all managed to put a smile on my face!
TUTS: we've really drifted apart recently but you all are brilliant people.
Jummy - I remember the first time we talked was on the forum when your auntie was giving birth, it was so confusing because it was the first time i'd gone on there and all of a sudden I sign in and someone's ordering you to make toast whilst giving birth! Over time we became closer and to be honest you're one of the nicest people i've ever met. You are an incredible writter and 'The Close House' is definatly one of the best dramas i've ever seen!
Tay - You've always been like the mum of the group, 'Mother Hen' was always your nickname. I've always been able to talk to you about anything and everything, you are brilliant.
Clare - I've known you for about as long as Jummy and we were really close but I haven't spoken to you in ages, which sucks knowing I live in your cupboard haa!
The Chandlers - I don't particually know either of you, i've never got to speak to you that much but you both have the most hilariouse accent i've ever herd!
Kerry - You are actually amazing, you're like my person who has all the contacts! Yeap i'm on about Peter dearest I just hope so much your business becomes huge and you become all rich and famouse because you deserve all that and more!
Rhia - You are brilliant, you have such a sweet little family. We've never really talked either but I wish you all the best
Thatters: There is one huge thing that joins us all and that is why I love you all - It's like one huge family with you lot!
Roll on the next tour ♥.
AP friends: You are all incredible people with such amazing stories which I could listen to for hours and hours on end. All of you have made me realise how preciouse life is and your poetry fills me with emotion. Thank you!
It's odd how you can connect with people who you do not see face to face but can make you realise how amazing life is, thank you all!
Love Courtney Beth x
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I can't believe you. I wish I could actually talk to you about this shit without getting people in trouble. Instead I'll be satisfied with blocking you from everything and saying "Hey, you're annoying and I don't like you, Bye." I so wish I could give you a piece of my mind. twofaced bitch :/
I can't believe you.
I wish I could actually talk to you about this shit without getting people in trouble.
Instead I'll be satisfied with blocking you from everything and saying
"Hey, you're annoying and I don't like you, Bye."
I so wish I could give you a piece of my mind.
twofaced bitch :/
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So I'm really bored. Ask me some questions. I would love to answer anything (:
So
I'm really bored.
Ask me some questions.
I would love to answer anything (:
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The basic point of me actually writing a journal entry is because what's going on isn't pure fiction or the will of my own mind. It's because that life happens, and in life it's all real, even when we don't want it to be. And, unfortunately, this is real. I'm terrified for a friend. Now, this is where you think, "Well, genius, if you're a good person you help them through it or go see them. You listen.". But what do you do whenever they can't open up anymore and you honestly have no ...
The basic point of me actually writing a journal entry is because what's going on isn't pure fiction or the will of my own mind. It's because that life happens, and in life it's all real, even when we don't want it to be. And, unfortunately, this is real.
I'm terrified for a friend. Now, this is where you think, "Well, genius, if you're a good person you help them through it or go see them. You listen.". But what do you do whenever they can't open up anymore and you honestly have no way of seeing them?
I can't and don't want to go into details, but that's the only way to actually understand any of this. So I guess I'll leave you with this random, pointless question to ponder:
How can you spend an eternity with someone if eternity never begins?
Think about it, and leave me a comment telling me your response or idea from the question.
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You know the other night before my art class i went for a walk in town. Along the mall by myself, and you know what i knew it was dangerous. in fact i was waiting for something to happen. Was hoping something would happen. It wasnt that i was suicidal. i wasnt i just lost my purpose somewhere along the way. and i dont wanna live for the sake of being alive? otherwise everything is pointless. and i dont want to have a pointless life. so here i was walking along. in the dark in a dangerous plac...
You know the other night before my art class i went for a walk in town. Along the mall by myself, and you know what i knew it was dangerous. in fact i was waiting for something to happen. Was hoping something would happen. It wasnt that i was suicidal. i wasnt i just lost my purpose somewhere along the way. and i dont wanna live for the sake of being alive? otherwise everything is pointless. and i dont want to have a pointless life. so here i was walking along. in the dark in a dangerous place. hoping that a bus would hit me or maybe someone would mug me. because that way if i survived it id have a reason to live. id have that fight, that zest for life ive been searching for. but nothing happened. nothing ever happens. i wanted to scream. i wanted a knife to my throaght. i wanted to be scared. to feel the need to live. i felt nothing. i felt alone. and i felt empty. and now with all thats happened in recent days i dont want to be alive anymore. i dont want the zest. and i dont want to fight to survive. i want to give in to the pain. i want to bleed out all the hurt. i want the walls painted red. i want the disaster. i want the tragedy i want the suffering to end in one climactic finale. i want to make it hurt on the way and burn out quietly. to fade away and nobody will even notice.
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You're a one of a kind person, one of a kind friend I just wish you were still here with me You're still a one of a kind person, but your friendship i no longer need I'm stronger without you i'm better too but you're still one of a kind to me if only i could make you see You're a one of a kind person, one of a kind friend i just wish we had never spoken i still say you're a friend, but to you... i just my journey should end you ke...
You're a one of a kind person, one of a kind friend
I just wish you were still here with me
You're still a one of a kind person,
but your friendship i no longer need
I'm stronger without you
i'm better too
but you're still one of a kind to me
if only i could make you see
You're a one of a kind person, one of a kind friend
i just wish we had never spoken
i still say you're a friend, but to you...
i just my journey should end
you kept me locked out when i needed you the most
and then that last phone call made me realize
i'm too good for you, but i still consider you a friend
that's more credit than you give to me
i've tryied and tryied to make this work
but i guess i pushed you away more than i helped
i feel sorry for you, really i do
but to me, you're still a one of a kind friend
part of another poem that i wrote:
This is what you mean to me
you're now number 1
you're still a friend to me
cause i still love you so
but what do i mean to you
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I trusted you. You said you cared. I went to you for help. We promised each other honesty. Did you keep that promise? Of course not. I thought i might have more feelings for you and i tell you that but then you come up with some excuse about not knowing. Was that the truth? NO! You just didn't have the balls to tell me you don't have feelings for me. You lied to me! I don't mind that you don't have those feelings. But to not be honest with me? That weas like the most important thing in our re...
I trusted you. You said you cared. I went to you for help. We promised each other honesty. Did you keep that promise? Of course not. I thought i might have more feelings for you and i tell you that but then you come up with some excuse about not knowing. Was that the truth? NO! You just didn't have the balls to tell me you don't have feelings for me. You lied to me! I don't mind that you don't have those feelings. But to not be honest with me? That weas like the most important thing in our relationship. I told you about Zach and everything. I told you everything, even when i was crying on the phone and you still lied. You are the one person i thought was being completely honest and you weren't!!!! What else is a lie? what else are you hiding? Am i some poor girl you started talking to so you can laugh at my problems with your buddies?
i am sure you know who you are you are reading this but dont be upset, i am just venting. thanks for listening.
--vicki
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Well, I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago because, he did something stupid boys suck i know :'(... Well, my best friend of 17yrs (in August) just told me he loves me and always have so we are going to try and start dating... My ex live 1,510 miles away My Best Friend: 30 min so, i hope everything goes great with my friend!
Well, I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago because, he did something stupid boys suck i know :'(... Well, my best friend of 17yrs (in August) just told me he loves me and always have so we are going to try and start dating...
My ex live 1,510 miles away
My Best Friend: 30 min
so, i hope everything goes great with my friend!
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I will be gone from tommarow to the 8th of August to go to a camp with no internet. Bye guys!
I will be gone from tommarow to the 8th of August to go to a camp with no internet. Bye guys!
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Today I am battling with my thoughts, this seems to happen to me now and then, I am normally quite strong at pushing the thoughts out my mind and carrying on like it doesnt matter. But today is different, im really battling, my friends seem to be so far away and so uncaring of late, not that they mean to be im sure, but they are right now, just when I need them most. But another day will dawn tomorrow and il still be here I hope and il carry on with a smile on my lips and a ...
Today I am battling with my thoughts, this seems to happen to me now and then, I am normally quite strong at pushing the thoughts out my mind and carrying on like it doesnt matter.
But today is different, im really battling, my friends seem to be so far away and so uncaring of late, not that they mean to be im sure, but they are right now, just when I need them most.
But another day will dawn tomorrow and il still be here I hope and il carry on with a smile on my lips and a twinkle in my eye, even if it is really just a glint of a tear.
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i say to make friends is a blessing but to have 8 ignore me well thats a distinction so thank you from the heart of my bottom
i say to make friends is a blessing but to have 8 ignore me well thats a distinction so thank you from the heart of my bottom
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Holy fucking shitting of thee bricks. I've been neglecting my AP lately. Nooooooo. D= It's because I've been working on my Tumblr. I've got 18 followers so far! Also, I've been working full time, so that doesn't leave me with a lot of time to journal or even remote...
Holy fucking shitting of thee bricks. I've been neglecting my AP lately. Nooooooo. D=
It's because I've been working on my Tumblr. I've got 18 followers so far!
Also, I've been working full time, so that doesn't leave me with a lot of time to journal or even remotely come close to writing a poem, an actual good poem that came straight from my heart because I've been distracted, so it wouldn't be real, I guess.
There has been a lot of things going on recently, and things that will be taking place. My new haircut for example, which I'm excited as shit for. Yaye. =) And my room finally getting done next week, and Saturday I might hang out with people, since I haven't hung out with anyone in soo long. It's just been me, work, my room and eating, aha.
My whole head just feels so .. everywhere, you know? I need to clear my head somehow, but I won't be able to until I stop working full time which won't be until the end of august, possibly. D= But I need the money, so I'll be okay.
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I've been trying to work on my spending habits, also. I have my card most of the time and I haven't used it as much as I thought I would since I got it back. There have been 3 or 4 times where I'm just like "Holy fucking shit, this looks amazing, I want it, I have enough money, fuck it .. I'm getting it." Mostly when I buy food. I'm a sucker for good food. & if it's not in my house, I'm gonna go somewhere and buy it. So I guess it could be worse, could be a little better, though. But it's not something I can just stop doing & quit cold turkey. I need time. I'm better than I used to be, so that's good. I don't blow 2 or 300 dollars on things I don't need. Just 10 bucks on Mc.Dicks food that I don't need, lmao. xD
I've also been questioning my sexuality a lot lately, it's really hard to deal with because I don't really have anyone I ...
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Well, it's been a long time since I've written a journal on here. But I have much to tell, so here it goes. My friend invited me to her birthday party and I had to find a new swimsuit. So when my dad took me to find one, all the stores were closed! We had to go to two different Walmarts to find a swimsuit because they were the only stores close to us that were open. We finally found a swimsuit that was my size in the second Walmart. I had to shop in the women's section because there wasn't an...
Well, it's been a long time since I've written a journal on here. But I have much to tell, so here it goes. My friend invited me to her birthday party and I had to find a new swimsuit. So when my dad took me to find one, all the stores were closed! We had to go to two different Walmarts to find a swimsuit because they were the only stores close to us that were open. We finally found a swimsuit that was my size in the second Walmart. I had to shop in the women's section because there wasn't any swimsuits in the kids section or the juniors section. I can barely fit in the juniors section! Luckily I found an extra small black top in the womens section. Then we had to find a matching bottom and that was not easy. We eventually found some short-like bottoms but they were a size medium and that's the smallest there was... So you can imagine how big they were on me. But we bought it anyways. On Saturday my dad took me to my friend's house. When all the people finally made it to the party, we got all our stuff together and we had to get in one of the cars because there were too many peple just to take one. One of the cars was already full, so I had to get in the other. There was only three seats in the back and there was four of us. They made me sit up front. Alone. Everytime I got to my friend's party, I get left out. When we were swimming in the river, they all got together in a group and talked about who knows what, but I wasn't involved. So I was just swimming by myself. When we got in our tubes and floated down the river, they passed out air heads and there was only six in the pack and there was seven of us... Gues who didn't get one. Yup, it was me who didn't get one. they didn't talk to me while we were floating down the river. When we unconnected our tubes, they all caught up to each other and left me behind. I would get stuck in trees and on rocks and no one would help me. When we stopped on the shore for snacks, they took all the chips and I only got two or three. Then they didn't talk to me. When we got to our cookout spot, only one person talked to me. When we got to my friend's house, I didn't have a group to hang out with. I had to go back and forth just to find someone to talk to. The next morning after everyone ate people started leaving and I was the only one left so me and my friend could hang out. But she decided she wanted another friend over and invited her friend over. So when she got there, they completely didn't talk to me, so I had to c...
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sometimes i feel likei'm all alone.. and no matter how much i scream and cry nobody hears me.. i'm afraid i'm going to end up alone in life .. i'm not pretty maybe i can take a pretty picture but i'm a fat ugly worthless piece of shit nobody cares about and nobody will ever like enough to go out with me.. they always say ur better as a friend.. maybe i'm just better gone
sometimes i feel likei'm all alone.. and no matter how much i scream and cry nobody hears me.. i'm afraid i'm going to end up alone in life .. i'm not pretty maybe i can take a pretty picture but i'm a fat ugly worthless piece of shit nobody cares about and nobody will ever like enough to go out with me.. they always say ur better as a friend.. maybe i'm just better gone
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you know what let them diss me, go ahead make fun of me, go ahead say you aint my friend, i just dont giva a fuck what you think u gonna get me pissed All kinds of really mean things about me Cause you're a meany, a meany But it's only cause you're really jealous of me Cause I'm what you wanna be So you just look like a idiot When you say these mean things Cause it's too easy to see You're really just a big weenie, big weenie
you know what let them diss me, go ahead make fun of me, go ahead say you aint my friend, i just dont giva a fuck
what you think u gonna get me pissed
All kinds of really mean things about me
Cause you're a meany, a meany
But it's only cause you're really jealous of me
Cause I'm what you wanna be
So you just look like a idiot
When you say these mean things
Cause it's too easy to see
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie
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Unstraigtenable hair.with white paint stuck in it.
Unstraigtenable hair.with white paint stuck in it.
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It's sad to me how you can meet very nice people or someone who you really like and it just happens that there really far away from you. Or then you'll meet someone and they end up leaving or moving away. Yet these are the moments where i think to myself,.....do things really happen for a reason?? So that's my big issue today,..... I start my journey,..wondering if things happen for a reason See, i had this really great friend onc...
It's sad to me how you can meet very nice people or someone who you really like and it just happens that there really far away from you. Or then you'll meet someone and they end up leaving or moving away. Yet these are the moments where i think to myself,.....do things really happen for a reason??
So that's my big issue today,.....
I start my journey,..wondering if things happen for a reason
See, i had this really great friend once and she moved schools just as i was staring to have troubles in my life,.....was it destiny?? Because it just so happened that now in high school, i see her again, and we have totally different "types" of friends.
Well,...i guess life's just one big mystery.
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It's soooooo effing different here.... I miss home, here money is called pounds exepct the abbreviation is l.. Im always dizzy, there are NO BENCHES!!!!!!!!!!! Even the computers are different.... pple are rude bc they dont say sorry or excuse me...... i miss home.. im sleeping on the floor, i slept till 2 london time!!! i just wanna go home...... o and guys, i can get on anytime cause the compuiters are free, i just cant call.. Immiss u guys sooooooooooo...
It's soooooo effing different here.... I miss home, here money is called pounds exepct the abbreviation is l.. Im always dizzy, there are NO BENCHES!!!!!!!!!!! Even the computers are different.... pple are rude bc they dont say sorry or excuse me...... i miss home.. im sleeping on the floor, i slept till 2 london time!!! i just wanna go home...... o and guys, i can get on anytime cause the compuiters are free, i just cant call.. Immiss u guys sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, here are some links to express th3e feelings i have:
http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&global=1&q=sad+and+crying#/drr8ud
http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=sad and crying&order=9&offset=48#/d28xyjp
http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=sad and crying&order=9&offset=72#/d2b7sdo
im gonna log out now,
peace and llove,
Emily
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I have a delema its not my problem i wish to solve its a friends who ive been trying to help out of the deep blues but as frank as ive been , trying to do the dr. Phil with her she is slipping backward into a black pit I know too well and she doesnt want to but its plain to see frOm my side of the fence . My friend has a crush on one of the guards and its unrequited hes actually gay i belive and sure as hell doesnt want her phoning or texing him 20 times a day . shes been told that he do...
I have a delema its not my problem i wish to solve its a friends who ive been trying to help out of the deep blues but as frank as ive been , trying to do the dr. Phil with her she is slipping backward into a black pit I know too well and she doesnt want to but its plain to see frOm my side of the fence .
My friend has a crush on one of the guards and its unrequited hes actually gay i belive and sure as hell doesnt want her phoning or texing him 20 times a day . shes been told that he doesnt feel that way about her and shes devistated but she was sad before that anyway as a friend i tend to say funny stuff and for a brief while she has or apperas to have fun and shes says when i ask if shes happeir she says yes yu always make me larf and smile and i then think she is on the mend she has my number becuase i escort her and other staff from their shop to the transport home how ever that may its part of the service to our clients at the mall . well she texs me 20 times a dy tooo and hell shes fast at it me i reply about 3 messages a day coz i just too busy working to chat and then she says ... no one has time for me im, sorry i bother you , i know you have more important things to do and i have .. but then i say no its ok you need medication and counselling and she says why and i say becuase you cry all the time she says im not coping with anything i say thats depression thats why you need to see yur doctor and get some anti depressants some good counselling get to the cause and then work on the conditions she says im not depressed im just not handling life right now and i dont reply cause fucken hell ive said all i can think of ..so ifn you have any ideas how to help this girl please advise coz i cant take 20 texs a day for too long lol
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well, she needs a bar, right?
well, she needs a bar, right?
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I've found recently that I really like all these qualities of mine... my friends, maybe not so much. The first two are understandable, I guess, but what's their problem with the last two? My stubborness - I can see how this would piss them off, but personally, I'm a big fan of my stubborness. It's basically just standing by what I think - and what's wrong with that? My (occasional) immaturity - And what's wrong with chasing a b...
I've found recently that I really like all these qualities of mine... my friends, maybe not so much. The first two are understandable, I guess, but what's their problem with the last two?
My stubborness - I can see how this would piss them off, but personally, I'm a big fan of my stubborness. It's basically just standing by what I think - and what's wrong with that?
My (occasional) immaturity - And what's wrong with chasing a bouncy ball around, falling over yourself laughing?
My concern for the welfare of animals - Now this, this pisses me off when they complain about it. The other day, I pulled my friend away from standing on a bee and he snapped at me!
Another time, we were in town, and I bought some bread to feed the pigeons. They told me it was embarrassing! I think they care way too much about strangers opinions of them...
My adventurousness - Yes, even my adventurousness. I'm starting to wonder what their problem is... My friend wouldn't even take a new shortcut I found with me, because it was a little narrow. Tut tut Good job I don't heed a word they say the majority of the time.
Somehow, half-way through, I think this turned into a rant
Write on!
- Clare ♥
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*Spoiler Alert* this is just ranting, so if you dont want to just hear me complain you probably should just click off now Ok now the topic of old friends, now im gonna target a certain sumone, but not use there name, they will know who they are, belive me ok now this person, they have helped me alot, im happy about that, ok so last day of skool, they made a promise to me, ok they were gonna move, i was kinda depressed about it then they promised me that we would see eac...
*Spoiler Alert* this is just ranting, so if you dont want to just hear me complain you probably should just click off now
Ok now the topic of old friends, now im gonna target a certain sumone, but not use there name, they will know who they are, belive me
ok now this person, they have helped me alot, im happy about that, ok so last day of skool, they made a promise to me, ok they were gonna move, i was kinda depressed about it
then they promised me that we would see each other during the summer, that was a big lie, i haven't heard from them since, and everytime i text them, they "dont want to Talk"
i didn't do anything to deserve this at all. and it is just at me, no one else, cuz they carry conversations with all of my other friends, im sick of being treated like this,anyone else ever been in this sitionation?
Search synonyms for Friends: man baby girl comrade fellow bird associate familiar twist squeeze lawyer
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