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by Wind Chaser
6 hours ago, In Anger, Angst, Bitter, Depression, Escape, Hate, My life, Pain, Personal, Teen issues.
100 words.
All.
0 comments.
Had two sexual encounters on Wednesday with guys I didn't really know. Cut myself again last night, it was worse than last time. But, it was a release. I just want to be held and told everything will be okay! But, I know it's not going to happen. I'm lost, I don't know who I even am anymore. I feel like one of these days I'm just going to quit caring and I'm going to let go of all the control I have fought so hard to maintain. If that happens, I know someone will end up hurt.
Had two sexual encounters on Wednesday with guys I didn't really know. Cut myself again last night, it was worse than last time. But, it was a release. I just want to be held and told everything will be okay! But, I know it's not going to happen. I'm lost, I don't know who I even am anymore.
I feel like one of these days I'm just going to quit caring and I'm going to let go of all the control I have fought so hard to maintain. If that happens, I know someone will end up hurt.
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It's a constant battle to be good enough. To be able to measure up to everyone else's standards. But I'm never allowed to pass the test. The eyes are a mirror into the soul. It's too bad no one ever sees the truth reflected in them... Why can I pretend I'm okay and everyone believes it, but when I show them that I'm not they think I should be? Some people believe in hell, but the truth is life itself is hell. Why do I feel unworthy of being happy or of being loved? The...
It's a constant battle to be good enough. To be able to measure up to everyone else's standards. But I'm never allowed to pass the test. The eyes are a mirror into the soul. It's too bad no one ever sees the truth reflected in them... Why can I pretend I'm okay and everyone believes it, but when I show them that I'm not they think I should be?
Some people believe in hell, but the truth is life itself is hell. Why do I feel unworthy of being happy or of being loved?
The voices talk to me and I answer. Some would call me crazy, but for me it's normal.
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I am just so tired of all of this. I don't know how much more i can take. All of everything lately is just pure drama and i cant take it. im seriously pissed, and im about to leave for good this time. All i ever wanted was to help the ones i care about, and all it has done is rip everything away from me. Its not like i have done anything wrong, and i have thought about everything i have said and everything and i have not done anything, to hurt anyone in anyway, and yet nothing. Every time i ...
I am just so tired of all of this. I don't know how much more i can take. All of everything lately is just pure drama and i cant take it. im seriously pissed, and im about to leave for good this time. All i ever wanted was to help the ones i care about, and all it has done is rip everything away from me. Its not like i have done anything wrong, and i have thought about everything i have said and everything and i have not done anything, to hurt anyone in anyway, and yet nothing. Every time i try to say anything or try to help someone i just end up loosing them and im sick of that. I never meant for any one to get hurt or for that person to have any reason to hate me or what ever.
Theirs so many different problems going on now its fucked up. I miss everyone of the people Ive lost and i always will.Sam, Al,Heather,Holly,Ayden,Alex,Niki,Anthony.so yeah tell me what.the.fuck.is.wrong.with.me.
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I FUCKING HATE IT HERE!!!!! im always dizzy, its boring as hell!!! the food is nasty, everything is made differently, i wanna go home.*starts wailing and crying i wanna go home* *still cryin* i dont care that ill only get to do this once!! i hate it here!!!!!! if I dont get u guys (ki,alex,ty,britt) anything, im sorry, theres no gift shop at the hotel and im not supposed to leave the hotel, i wanna go home i hate it here! sure, double decker buses are fun but its still kinda boring..............
I FUCKING HATE IT HERE!!!!! im always dizzy, its boring as hell!!! the food is nasty, everything is made differently, i wanna go home.*starts wailing and crying i wanna go home* *still cryin* i dont care that ill only get to do this once!! i hate it here!!!!!! if I dont get u guys (ki,alex,ty,britt) anything, im sorry, theres no gift shop at the hotel and im not supposed to leave the hotel, i wanna go home i hate it here! sure, double decker buses are fun but its still kinda boring........... I WANNA GO HOME!!!!!!! im homesick, my chest is aching, i wanna go home. and just to let u guys know, i cried on the inside writing this.....
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I gave you my heart, and you shot it many times to where it's gushing out blood, not caring where it lands. If dating you meant I was dancing with my feet off the ground, I represented death: Six feet under. You took my fragile love, paid me back with sorrow and misery. You don't realize how much you hurt me, for I think of you every waiting moment, and sometimes in my dreams. I cry when I talk to you through a text on my phone which once had memories on it of you, me, and your lie called Lov...
I gave you my heart, and you shot it many times to where it's gushing out blood, not caring where it lands. If dating you meant I was dancing with my feet off the ground, I represented death: Six feet under. You took my fragile love, paid me back with sorrow and misery. You don't realize how much you hurt me, for I think of you every waiting moment, and sometimes in my dreams. I cry when I talk to you through a text on my phone which once had memories on it of you, me, and your lie called Love. You started talking to my friend that was just like you. Music, clothes, and even television shows were the same. You replaced the lie with the real Love and you thought she felt the same. You started together, and both forgot about me. I was not right, not as feminine as others, liking music like you but not enough worth noticing, in your eyes. If having your love meant dancing with her feet off the ground, she was in space, dancing away. You and her were on and off like a main lightswitch, with tears from you, caused by her. You know how I felt, but still don't seem to care. Now your bulb is burnt, and you say it's all my fault. You won't even talk when I call your name. I was still six feet under. You might be full of hate, but I can never rid my mind of you.
This is something I wrote about a year ago, and I found it while I was cleaning my room. I figured I would share it with y'all.
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by Rustyrazor
on Jul 24 8:36 PM, In Anger, Angst, Contemplative, Freewrite, Hate, Life, Pain, Teen issues, Thoughts, War.
800 words.
All.
1 comment.
24 July 2010 - Yep, it's been quite a while since I wrote, or posted anything upon my page in the form of personal journal... Well, give the Devil his final due will ya, cause my wicked lil' hands have not been completely idle all the while! Nay, to the contrary I say, I have posted a good many more poems of mine upon my AP page and highlighted a good many of them upon this poetry site in hopes of everyday new discoveries by those out there in AP land ever searching for a po...
24 July 2010 -
Yep, it's been quite a while since I wrote, or posted anything upon my page in the form of personal journal...
Well, give the Devil his final due will ya, cause my wicked lil' hands have not been completely idle all the while! Nay, to the contrary I say, I have posted a good many more poems of mine upon my AP page and highlighted a good many of them upon this poetry site in hopes of everyday new discoveries by those out there in AP land ever searching for a poetic diamond in the rough and of course to entertain my loyal friends and stalwart viewers.
Which, in turn gives me some small sense of; belonging, acceptance, and relative kindred among the socially flakey throngs of this jaded race, "We call human, yet they remain quite unsociably inhumane at times"...
With the exception of the compassionately faithful few that converse and share with me their works and souls.
Although, quite often it would candidly seem that here on AP; the more that I write, the less it is seen, the more that I speak, the less I am heard, the more that I rage with expression for some form of attention good or bad, the less I am accepted or tolerated, the more that I cry out for recognition or praise, the less I am positively received or welcomed...
Why, just the other day I was in the AP chatterbox for the first time and I tried to intelligently converse with the younger generation socializing there and I was completely ignored and overlooked by this; "snot nosed", "en vogue click", simply because I was the elder figure now trying to chat and invading the social space of these young guys and gals in their late teens or early twenties. Just like I was some out of touch authority figure just trying to "butt-in" which by the way none of these older kids bother to respect anymore, especially in America it seems during these darker days of instability from the top to the bottom of our late, great nation...
Yeah, so I tried to be cool, I even tried rather foolishly to speak their gansta, ghetto ebonics lingo but, that went over with those bunch of; little, still wet behind the ears, stuck-up rude, inconsiderate, half-grown whelps, like a huge turd in the proverbial sweet hunch punch bowl of life, I stank the whole dang; chillin', hanging-out scene, up to the high heavens.
So, they commenced to publically shunning and even randomly cursing me in some rather uniquely ignorant ways that even I had never even heard o...
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by JustAnotherVictim.
on Jul 21 11:45 AM, In Abuse, Depressed, Emo, Family, Hate, Pain, Personal, Sad, Self harm, Suicide.
200 words.
Friends only.
0 comments.
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sad, lonely, crying too thoughts, thoughts, and feeling blue depression hurts more than you know please tell me which way should i go i look up towards the sky then i look down as the tear drops dry I can't believe you're gone away but to me dearest friend, in my heart is where you stay thoughts begin to crowd my mind and lies, they tell me not to be kind listen up listen good, you're still my friend so please, help me say amend. ...
sad, lonely, crying too
thoughts, thoughts, and feeling blue
depression hurts more than you know
please tell me which way should i go
i look up towards the sky
then i look down as the tear drops dry
I can't believe you're gone away
but to me dearest friend, in my heart is where you stay
thoughts begin to crowd my mind
and lies, they tell me not to be kind
listen up listen good, you're still my friend
so please, help me say amend.
depression hurts, i hate the way it feels
my heart slowly breaks, that it just wants to kill
please help me i beg of you
but i realize you can't, only i can see myself through.
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by always unwanted
on Jul 15 6:06 PM, In Adult, Anger, Hate, Life, Love, My life, Other, Pain, Personal, Sad, Self.
100 words.
All.
0 comments.
i love him he knows to a degree but he want do anything about it he likes me enogh to fuck me and be friends but all becuase im im two and a few months younger he want give it a chanse ive liked for ever but nothing has ever really been up untill a few months ago and even before thaut weve known how weve felt but weve done NOTHING about it untill now and everything!!! this is so my falt becuase i told him that i wanted it and i did i still do but now i love him even more!! god i wished that i...
i love him he knows to a degree but he want do anything about it he likes me enogh to fuck me and be friends but all becuase im im two and a few months younger he want give it a chanse ive liked for ever but nothing has ever really been up untill a few months ago and even before thaut weve known how weve felt but weve done NOTHING about it untill now and everything!!! this is so my falt becuase i told him that i wanted it and i did i still do but now i love him even more!! god i wished that i would die i really do!
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I live in a stupid little town at the bottom of South Australia. All vegetation is brown and creepy looking. And it reeks of crap. All the shops are small and I swear to god I have lost my ability to shop. But on the up side the people are friendly and if you know the right people you get discounts to all the best places (not many of those) but it's still pretty much the capital of underage drinking and teen pregnancy. But that's because every weekend someone throws a party out of nothing bet...
I live in a stupid little town at the bottom of South Australia. All vegetation is brown and creepy looking. And it reeks of crap. All the shops are small and I swear to god I have lost my ability to shop. But on the up side the people are friendly and if you know the right people you get discounts to all the best places (not many of those) but it's still pretty much the capital of underage drinking and teen pregnancy. But that's because every weekend someone throws a party out of nothing better to do and people get drunk, hook up and then forget the whole thing. If I was normal by this towns standards I would of had my first child by now and knocked up with the second. So if your rent's are making you move to a small town in SA let me know and I will tell you what it's called so you can scream until your parents let you stay where you are
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by dave the brave
on Jul 10 1:51 PM, In Abusive, Angry, Hate, Issues, Life, Mean, Message, Pain, Sad, Self, Thoughts.
100 words.
All.
3 comments.
i had an asthma attack the other day and my parents did nothing...my dad said i was making my self do it but he was saying mean stuff and yelling... so i go to bed with my asthma attack going on still, and i end up dead for about 10 -15 minutes and now my entire life is screwed up.... its wrong and i just don't feel rite any more so please dont do it to your children.......
i had an asthma attack the other day and my parents did nothing...my dad said i was making my self do it but he was saying mean stuff and yelling... so i go to bed with my asthma attack going on still, and i end up dead for about 10 -15 minutes and now my entire life is screwed up.... its wrong and i just don't feel rite any more so please dont do it to your children.......
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Yeah, so I've pretty much figured out that love sucks. I mean, it's nice in theory, but really, it's not that great. Yeah, sure, the thought of a boyfriend is nice, but honestly? I have friends who I can talk to, friends to hug, friends to have fun with, and
Yeah, so I've pretty much figured out that love sucks.
I mean, it's nice in theory, but really, it's not that great.
Yeah, sure, the thought of a boyfriend is nice, but honestly?
I have friends who I can talk to, friends to hug, friends to have fun with, and I don't need to have some pubescent boytoy to wear on my arm to make me feel happy.
I've never been in love, and I don't think I plan to be.
What's the point? I mean, Jesus wasn't married, and He had a PERFECT life!
Okay, well, I guess He could have been, but I certainly haven't read it in the scriptures anywhere.
But really. The pain of a broken heart is just not worth it. Never had mine broken, never been in love, and I don't plan on it. It's all just too much.
I love helping my friends get through it when they're having relationship troubles. I mean, I want to be a teen psychiatrist, after all.
But, really? "Oh, I'm so in love with him",
and then, three days later,
"I HATE HIM SO MUCH! I WANT HIM TO SLIT HIS WRISTS, BATHE HIMSELF IN THE BLOOD THAT OOZES FROM THEM, RIP OU...
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dear diary, edward collins is a fag he wers eye liner and is an over rated parasite and the guy who is a dog would kick his ass reallisticly then again are vampires and werwolfs realistic? FUCK YA IT IS lol and what the fuck is bellas problem with freaks and monsters and she openly cheats on her boyfriend as far as i can tell,she is a glamorized slut. im not an expert but how does like no one notice that the vampire dude is in 11th grade for like 200 years shouldnt this be cal...
dear diary,
edward collins is a fag he wers eye liner and is an over rated parasite and the guy who is a dog would kick his ass reallisticly then again are vampires and werwolfs realistic? FUCK YA IT IS lol and what the fuck is bellas problem with freaks and monsters and she openly cheats on her boyfriend as far as i can tell,she is a glamorized slut. im not an expert but how does like no one notice that the vampire dude is in 11th grade for like 200 years shouldnt this be called to the attentionj of the school board and what the hell is up with edward he doesnt change in sunlight he is just embarrased he uses body glitter and it only shows in the sunlight duh and what the hell how come no one just notices that guy stop a fuckin big ol' truck from crushin bella and if he is so fast he should join track and just run slightly faster than the other guys duh like if he3 wasnt such a pansy he would do football or soccer or some shit use ur superpowers to use stupid! thas just what i noticed whatever.
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Why is eveything soo hard? I'm crying and I can't stop! I wached the fireworks and cryed through the entier thing cuz of me ex bf. I needed someone there for me and I was alone! WHY!!!! Is that how its supost to be? I hate him and myself!!!!!!!!
Why is eveything soo hard? I'm crying and I can't stop! I wached the fireworks and cryed through the entier thing cuz of me ex bf. I needed someone there for me and I was alone! WHY!!!! Is that how its supost to be? I hate him and myself!!!!!!!!
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"I'm coming apart at the seams Pitching myself for leads in other peoples dreams..." I've had the same dream five nights running. It's going to be the death of my I swear. I'm on a stage, I've just sung my heart out and I mean I want to bad to be a singer, it's been my dream since I've been about 4. Either way, it's down to me and one last person who has yet to go. I don't know who they are until after they're performed. It's always someone I know, it's always someone I ...
"I'm coming apart at the seams
Pitching myself for leads in other peoples dreams..."
I've had the same dream five nights running. It's going to be the death of my I swear.
I'm on a stage, I've just sung my heart out and I mean I want to bad to be a singer, it's been my dream since I've been about 4. Either way, it's down to me and one last person who has yet to go. I don't know who they are until after they're performed. It's always someone I know, it's always someone I feel utterly inadequate to. I always come out second best. I always lose.
I always wake up thinking 'Hell kid, reality check. You're never gonna make it. You're always gonna lose.'
Then again, that's what I think to myself on a daily basis because I believe it's entirely true. I'm the middle of the pack for everything. I don't stand out. I am not special. The only thing I can do is sing until my voice gives out.
And then I see the kids who get everything. The girl who gets to go to the college I want to go to, the girl who can play guitar and sing and has been to a recording studio, the girl who always gets what I want. Always gets handed what I've been working for for years.
But 'You can only blame your problems on the world for so long'. I'm done with that. I've accepted the fact I'm just not good enough.
"I wanna scream 'I love you' from the top of my lungs, but I'm afraid that someone else will hear me."
"So boycott love."
I've given up
On my hopes and dreams
Hey they just weren't working anymore
If I can't tell you three words
How can I sing the world my songs?
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http://storywrite.com/group/show/I+Hate+MimiAndSophia Yeah, that's right! SUCK IT BITCHES!
http://storywrite.com/group/show/I+Hate+MimiAndSophia
Yeah, that's right! SUCK IT BITCHES!
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I am melkiach. i am a silver fire dragon with purple wings. i once lived in a clan of almost 50 members. when the older ones died. the 4th clan decended my mother was clans queen. I'm The 29th born in my clan. i am the youngest besides my nieces. the last clan leader was my mother. rena turanaten. until i was five and still unable to fly or breathe flame. my mother and oldest brother met a untimely end. my father took it out on me he slashed me below my left eye and roaring out it sho...
I am melkiach. i am a silver fire dragon with purple wings. i once lived in a clan of almost 50 members. when the older ones died. the 4th clan decended my mother was clans queen. I'm The 29th born in my clan. i am the youngest besides my nieces.
the last clan leader was my mother. rena turanaten. until i was five and still unable to fly or breathe flame. my mother and oldest brother met a untimely end. my father took it out on me he slashed me below my left eye and roaring out it should of ben me that had died.
after that my oldest sister took me and healed me. even she did all she could she couldent erase the scar our father had dealt to me. over the years my sister dastil had been clans queen we had lost many. thanks to human effort. we have now 15 in our clan. we are night fliers so we only show our true form in the dark. we have tried to find others but we havent found any luck.
its been 11 years since my mother had died and i was scard . now that my sister had become the clans queen we had lost so many of our breatheran. now i face banishment for a unknown reason. i was forced to fly off and live on my own. now as every day goes on i just hope to find one of my kind out there. my story will continue. hopefully
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I remember the day that I met my father for the first time I could ever remember. I was in the sixth grade. The summer came and my older brother went to stay with my grandparents in Florida for a month. During his last week, my family went to stay with my grandparents in Florida, so we could bring him home when the week was over while we all got to see these grandparents whom we rarely ever saw. 2 days before we left, my grandfather called my father, whom he obviously knew...
I remember the day that I met my father for the first time I could ever remember.
I was in the sixth grade. The summer came and my older brother went to stay with my grandparents in Florida for a month.
During his last week, my family went to stay with my grandparents in Florida, so we could bring him home when the week was over while we all got to see these grandparents whom we rarely ever saw.
2 days before we left, my grandfather called my father, whom he obviously knew. My father, for the first time since I was 3, came to see me.
At first I was so excited to see him. I stayed with him for those 2 days. I finally and for the first time met his side of the family; my uncle Steve, his wife, and my cousins Jesse and some girl whose name I can't recall. Jesse was about 17, and he was gifted with drawing talent and collected swords and other weapons which he hung on his wall. The girl was 10, and she was an interesting, though strange girl. I found it funny that during the 4 hours I visited this side of the family, the girl had changed her kitten's name many times, the only name of which I can remember was "skittles". She also held a crush on me, as she wrote this in her journal, which she showed her brother, who, in humor only, read it aloud. That was a little creepy, but it made me think no less of her.
But the thing about that visit that made this a horrible memory came that night, which I spent in my father's apartment.
We talked about many things, and I finally asked him a question I had been dying to ask him for so long. I wanted to know why, out of my 11 years of life, he had never once sent so much as a letter or birthday card to me. He told me he sent me so many things, all the time, but that they were always returned due to a wrong address, always given to him by his mother.
I could not help but to imagine the great wealth of letters and other things he had sent to me over the years that I had never received. I wanted so badly to see these items, to read the words he would have written by hand so long ago.
I could not help but to ask him where these things were kept, if he had even saved them. His answer was that everything, every single object, lie in his closet, just across the room.
I was ecstatic. The things my father had sent me which I desperately wanted to see lie only a few steps away from me. I stood, nd I slowly approached thecloset door. I remember that I had looked back at my f...
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It was about 3 years ago. I met a girl who I came to love over about 6 months. Her name was Samantha. I loved her so much. She was just like me, in every way. She loved the same music, liked the same things, even grew up in the same painful lifestyle, even though her life was harder than mine. She cut, I cut, but we made a pact together. If the other would stop cutting then so would we. But if they started up again, then so would we. We agreed because we just couldn't stand to watch t...
It was about 3 years ago. I met a girl who I came to love over about 6 months. Her name was Samantha.
I loved her so much. She was just like me, in every way. She loved the same music, liked the same things, even grew up in the same painful lifestyle, even though her life was harder than mine. She cut, I cut, but we made a pact together. If the other would stop cutting then so would we. But if they started up again, then so would we. We agreed because we just couldn't stand to watch the other hurt themselves. It was heartbreaking to us.
But one day I broke that promise. I cut my wrists and legs with glass from a beer bottle because I had some family troubles and I just couldn't take the emotional pain. I needed the physical to counter it. I tried to hide it from sam, because I didn't want to see the pain in her eyes, and I didn't want her to cut herself either. She found out anyway, but she forgave me. She didn't cut in response.
One day Sam moved away, but she promised that she would write me twice a week. She did. And for the longest time, all I could do was wait for those letters. They were what I lived for. It always seemed as if I was waiting months for Sam's consoling words. They just never seemed to come quickly enough. I always wrote back, and I'm sure that Sam felt the same way as she waited for my letters, as if the wait was way too long.
But one day the letter didn't come. I nearly panicked, but I told myself that the letter was simply late, that it would be there tomorrow. When tomorrow came, there was no letter. I waited agin, but still no letter.
A week passed by, and then another, and, after an eternity, a month had passed, and I finally got the message. No letter would ever come again. Sam did'nt want me anymore. She'd abandoned me.
My entire world fell apart. I felt as if someone had torn my heart from my chest and stabbed it repeatedly. I felt that way every day, every hour, every minute, even every second. And every time, it was Sam's hand that ripped out my heart; Sam's hand that held the blade.
I would cry through the day and all through the night. I would cry myself to sleep and I would cry throughout my dreams and then I cried myself awake. Then the cycle repeated itself.
I hid away from the world. I didn't want to see anyone and I didn't want anyone to see me. Five months passed like this. Five months that I spent dying from the inside out. For a while I sought comfort from...
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I see people, Sick People Healthy People, I see lifes, full with terror or Hope, Stories unfolding Secrets hidden Love and Hate I see pretences I see worry I see fun I see Children I see Adults I see the in between I see the hiden I see the Art Of the world around me.
I see people,
Sick People
Healthy People,
I see lifes,
full with terror
or Hope,
Stories unfolding
Secrets hidden
Love and Hate
I see pretences
I see worry
I see fun
I see Children
I see Adults
I see the in between
I see the hiden
I see the Art
Of the world around me.
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by Julliee
on Jun 14 10:57 PM, In Depressed, Depression, Hate, Life, My life, Pain, Sad, Sadness, Self, Thoughts.
100 words.
All.
0 comments.
Im losing my fucking mind, i can hardly sleep, every single minute of the day i have to hold back from crying I feel like im slipping, but I cant, and im trying not to just give up and let whatever happens happen Im hurting so bad I have been for a long time and im tired of it its too much but theres nothing i can do but just sit here and take it this is life, im not cut out for life But theres really no other option
Im losing my fucking mind, i can hardly sleep, every single minute of the day i have to hold back from crying
I feel like im slipping, but I cant, and im trying not to just give up and let whatever happens happen
Im hurting so bad
I have been for a long time
and im tired of it
its too much
but theres nothing i can do but just sit here and take it
this is life, im not cut out for life
But theres really no other option
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Jesus Christ. So I’m walking to Biology from my Gym class at exactly 10:28 AM. I walk down two hallways on the first floor of my large school, talking with four of my closest friends. We open the doors leading to a narrow staircase. Nothing out of the ordinary except a flip-flop on about the sixth or seventh stair. ‘What kind of a tart loses her shoe on the stairs?’ I’m thinking. Suddenly the loudest noise I’ve ever heard in my life causes me to immediately become tempor...
Jesus Christ.
So I’m walking to Biology from my Gym class at exactly 10:28 AM. I walk down two hallways on the first floor of my large school, talking with four of my closest friends. We open the doors leading to a narrow staircase. Nothing out of the ordinary except a flip-flop on about the sixth or seventh stair. ‘What kind of a tart loses her shoe on the stairs?’ I’m thinking.
Suddenly the loudest noise I’ve ever heard in my life causes me to immediately become temporarily deaf in my right ear and experience intense pains (these symptoms are supposed to last a week. How fantastic, considering this week I have finals!). Clutching my ear, I look at my friends. Everyone is dead silent for maybe three seconds. My heart is racing.
‘It’s a fucking rifle,’ I’m thinking. ‘Jesus Christ, it’s like Columbine and Virginia Tech. I gotta fucking get out of here. I'm gonna die!’
I was in the exact middle of the staircase. I didn’t know where the explosion had come from, whether it had been upstairs or downstairs. I felt trapped, and I didn’t know where to go.
I think my body kind of went on autopilot for a little while, because I somehow ended up in my Biology classroom. Our substitute teacher asked who needed to go to the nurse due to injured ears. As I slowly raised my hand, I uncontrollably, suddenly, and violently burst into tears in front of my whole class. I was shaking hard. My lips were trembling, and I was trying to talk and convince everyone – including myself – that I was fine, but I couldn’t even form words. My teeth were actually chattering. The teacher gave me a hug – that was embarrassing – but I guess I needed it. I kept some composure as about ten of us students walked to the nurse. By the time we had gotten there, most of them said they were already feeling much better. My ear still hurt badly and I was hearing only ringing in it.
The nurses told everyone to leave but me. The first thing they said to me was “You’re not going home for this.”
That pissed me off. They assumed I was being dramatic in an attempt to leave school. I was crying a hell of a lot harder. My whole body shook as I tried to slow my breathing and just compose myself. The thing is, I am a Straight A student. I’ve been to school with high fevers, diarrhea, bronchitis, and concussions. I go when I’m sick to maintain my grades. I would never fucking fake injury or illness to get out of c...
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Wow! You will never guess this shit. Okay, so today I got suspended for the first time for fighting. But let me tell you, this bitch disserved it soooo much that it's not even funny. I was sitting at lunch reading and I hear, "Hey look it's ugly and uglier, they make the ugliest couple ever!" I look up and ask who. She answered, "Heather Trump" I get mad because that's my cousin but let it go and say, "She's not ugly." But then she starts saying all this other shit about her and I don't care ...
Wow! You will never guess this shit. Okay, so today I got suspended for the first time for fighting. But let me tell you, this bitch disserved it soooo much that it's not even funny. I was sitting at lunch reading and I hear, "Hey look it's ugly and uglier, they make the ugliest couple ever!" I look up and ask who. She answered, "Heather Trump" I get mad because that's my cousin but let it go and say, "She's not ugly." But then she starts saying all this other shit about her and I don't care if she's dating Alena's ex or not, she's not a slut just cause she's dating Colton. So I call her on it and say yo that's my cousin don't be talking about her like that. She just starts saying I don't care over and over again so I'm like do you want me to come over there and smack you? She's just like no one's talking to you and everything so I get up before anybody can hold me back and smacked her upside the head twice as hard as I can and she has the nerve, though her eyes are tearing up, to say it doesn't so I'm just like bitch do you want me to make it hurt? I was planning on grabbing her hair and slamming her face into the table repeatedly until I was satisified but my friend got in my way and called over the officer that's allways around in our school. I got escorted to the office and got suspended for three days. I was then taken up to ISS until the end of the day. Then when I was up there the principal called and said it's only one day now. I don't know if this is why or not but everyone at the table took my side and said she started it so now she's got something (I'm not sure what yet but I'll find out) and I've only got one day. My friends said that supposedly Alena "blacked out" because I hit her so hard. I'm just like "can you say DRAMA QUEEN?????" I know she does all this for attention and so does everyone else. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not popular at all and yet all the popular people actually asked if I was okay, not the girl who was actually HIT! I answered yeah just pissed. I've gone through the middle school with not so much as a write up and now because of this little slut (and trust me she is) I've got a suspension on my second to last week. Nobody could believe that this sweet innocent girl that never talks could hit someone so hard they's "black out" The guy I like actually smiled at me. I couldn't believe any of this shit actually happened.
-Paige
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by Starkiss
on Jun 4 6:18 PM, In Hate, Life, Love, Other, Pain, Personal, Random, Self, Spur of the moment, Thoughts.
100 words.
All.
0 comments.
Saturday may 6th, 2010 WHAT IF MY LIFE WAS INFACT A FAIRY TALE. I had been sent to capture everyone under my spell and draw them in by just the look with in my eyes. I have pale white skin, red hair, and i caress the darkness in which i call my home. DO NOT FEAR ME. I came years back it was around the 1880s or so. I had everything at my finger tips. i was young, rich, and was highly ranked among my people. I was known for my lovely voice, people loved and hated me for it; i...
Saturday may 6th, 2010
WHAT IF MY LIFE WAS INFACT A FAIRY TALE. I had been sent to capture everyone under my spell and draw them in by just the look with in my eyes. I have pale white skin, red hair, and i caress the darkness in which i call my home. DO NOT FEAR ME. I came years back it was around the 1880s or so. I had everything at my finger tips. i was young, rich, and was highly ranked among my people. I was known for my lovely voice, people loved and hated me for it; it never put me in a good place no matter how you look at it. My name is serene sanya and im peased to meet you. I will tell you more about my life in time.
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by TKDWolf
on Jun 3 11:43 PM, In Adult, Anger, Depressed, Friendship, Goodbyes, Hate, Loss, Lost love, Pain, Personal.
700 words.
All.
0 comments.
He made me happy, he made me sad, I truly cared for him..and you knew. I wanted to break up with him to give the two of us a break. We needed a day or two to calm down. As soon as I told you this, you moved in on him. How I HATE you! You always came to me when you had relationship problems. I learned what kind of girl you were. You were a pitiful little whiner who wanted everything her way. You were a liar. You're farite saying is "Why me? " "It's because I'm ugly" "What's ...
He made me happy, he made me sad, I truly cared for him..and you knew.
I wanted to break up with him to give the two of us a break. We needed a day or two to calm down.
As soon as I told you this, you moved in on him.
How I HATE you!
You always came to me when you had relationship problems. I learned what kind of girl you were. You were a pitiful little whiner who wanted everything her way. You were a liar. You're farite saying is "Why me? " "It's because I'm ugly" "What's wrong with me?" You always complained about being single. You always said "Poor me" It was always about you. Even in conversations, you had to turn the attention to yourself. Maybe that's why you can't make stable relationships?
I have it in writing: You didn't care what happened to you, as long as you weren't single. You can be with a guy who cheats on you as long as you have someone to call your boyfriend. It was all about image with you.
I wasn't a good friend to you, I never voiced my opinion of you. I thought you were a whore. I still do, you want attention and you whine when you don't get it. You're the typical High School bitch that the Hollywood movies like to portray. Self-centered. Sneaky. And a one person pity party.
You confessed to me that he was always flirting with you when we were together, I knew it was a lie. I had proof. You told me that you told him to stop but he never did. Another lie. You love thinking of yourself as irrisistable don't you? Of course, you're a Queen of self-inflicted drama!
I broke up with him, and you threw yourself on him. Literally.
You said you gave me time to heal. Bullshit. I should be mad at him for betraying me, but the bigger betrayal is YOU. You were my "Best Friend"
You flaunted infront of me your disgusting relationship with him. You were a complete bitch, you even tried to act like it didn't bother me when it obviously did. "Hey, let's all hang out!" Umm, no?
I still have feelings for him you snake! It took everything I had to not destroy you then and there! How could you do that to me? I loved him!
You tried to act like you were still my friend, and you had the nerve to ask WHY I was pissed? WHY I refused to talk to you or even look at you? SERIOUSLY? You never stopped taunting me! "Hey me & ***** did this today" "Hey guess what I'M doing tonight?"
Did you just get a kick out of seeing me squirm? Did you like seeing me in pain? Or did you even care about me?
Oh...
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by JustAnotherVictim.
on May 31 7:11 PM, In Abuse, Anger, Dark, Depression, Emo, Hate, Pain, Personal, Sad, Sadness, Suicide.
200 words.
All.
2 comments.
Why Couldn't I Have Opened My Fucking Eyes And Saw What You Were Doing. You Manipulated Me, With Your Twisted Ways. You Made Me Feel Like Shit, I Was So Low I Planned My Suicide, I Even Wrote The Fucking Ideas Down. You Ripped My Childhood From Me, Made Me Do Things That Only Mature People Do. I Bled Away The Fear, The Sorrow And The Pain. I Wouldn't Of Had To Of Bleed If It Wasn't For You. I Get Drunk Alone To Try And Drown Out The Sound Of My Thoughts, Of Your Voice. Im Scared To Sleep Beca...
Why Couldn't I Have Opened My Fucking Eyes And Saw What You Were Doing. You Manipulated Me, With Your Twisted Ways. You Made Me Feel Like Shit, I Was So Low I Planned My Suicide, I Even Wrote The Fucking Ideas Down. You Ripped My Childhood From Me, Made Me Do Things That Only Mature People Do. I Bled Away The Fear, The Sorrow And The Pain. I Wouldn't Of Had To Of Bleed If It Wasn't For You. I Get Drunk Alone To Try And Drown Out The Sound Of My Thoughts, Of Your Voice. Im Scared To Sleep Because I Dream Of Your Lips And Hands On Me, The Worst Part Is I Have Nightmares About Me Touching You, Your Moans And The Sound Of The Door Locking Fills My Ears I Wake-Up And I Head For The Razor Again. Isn't It Funny How The First Thing I Think About In The Morning Is You And The Last Thing I Think About Before I Finally Give Into My Tiredness Is You, When In Reality Your The Last Thing I Want To Think About.
Everything I've Written About You I Will Burn, Just Like You Will In Hell.
Good Ridance.
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today,is the day i realize that life is like an ocean.the more you let something get to you the more you drown.well,i've been drowning,for a while now,ican see the presence of god shedding tears of blood in the bottom of this dak shallow pot ,and the grin's of all the demon's fading in the sky.Embracing my love and replacing it for the devils bitter heart.i've retired on hope.and live on pain.i open the window's of disgrace,and anxiously await for my mother's faith.
today,is the day i realize that life is like an ocean.the more you let something get to you the more you drown.well,i've been drowning,for a while now,ican see the presence of god shedding tears of blood in the bottom of this dak shallow pot ,and the grin's of all the demon's fading in the sky.Embracing my love and replacing it for the devils bitter heart.i've retired on hope.and live on pain.i open the window's of disgrace,and anxiously await for my mother's faith.
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by couldbeworse
on May 28 5:20 PM, In Abuse, Adult, Anger, Angst, Bitter, Death, Hate, My life, Other, Pain, Personal.
700 words.
All.
5 comments.
IstFirst of all, you were a mere sperm donor, since day one. Seriously, not even a man or a human. You told me so many lies blah blah blah. I was 14 yrs old and you were 16. Of course i believed you. So it 16 yrs old, I was pregnant. Went up to the rec and you were playing hockey. You were the goalie so I spoke to you through the metal fence. "i'm pregnant..." I said. "oh, well let me finish thi...
IstFirst of all, you were a mere sperm donor, since day one. Seriously, not even a man or a human. You told me so many lies blah blah blah. I was 14 yrs old and you were 16. Of course i believed you. So it 16 yrs old, I was pregnant. Went up to the rec and you were playing hockey. You were the goalie so I spoke to you through the metal fence. "i'm pregnant..." I said. "oh, well let me finish this game", you said. Should have known then, while I was sitting on the swing, crying, that you were never gonna take care of your son.
Fast forward, Brent is 15 yrs old! A couple visits, phone calls, a couple bucks here and there, and some outfits (either too small or too big cause you dont even KNOW him).
Then you move in our neighborhood, 100 miles away from yours, saying its for him? You been here for months and still havent done a damn thing for him. Keep giving him false promises that you never fulfill. Basterd, f-up, jack-ass, reject, loser, dead beat, rapist, woman beater (yeah you know what i'm talkin bout).
Now your at the bar, which I dont because of my religion, talking shit about me to people i've known for years, and you just met.
Im glad i went down there and got to kick you in the leg went you open the bar door. I was aimed for your junk but missed...damn!!
You have another son too, which you never see. Dont even know what he looks like cause his grandparents took custody and you dont bother to go see him. He was a toddler the last time you saw him and hes , what, 8 yrs old or something like that...his mother is a drug addict and you are a freakin loser. You should have stayed with her, pill-popping son of a bitch. I hate you. Wish you'd get struck by lightning and fry to death, asshole.
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