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by Suhel
on Sep 4 5:22 AM, In Humour.
400 words.
All.
4 comments.
MARILYN MANSON
LADY GAGA
DREW BARYYMORE
MILEY CYRUS
ANGELINA JOLIE
HILLARY DUFF
J-LO
CAMERON DIAZ
HALLE BERRY
BRITNEY
PAMELA ANDERSON
MARIAH CAREY
MADONNA
....
AHHH.. YEAH AM BORED
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Before reading this story, you have to bear in mind that I had a sheltered, strict, middle-class British upbringing...not to mention that I was only just 18 and it was the seventies ! This may not be an embarrassing moment for some, but for me, it was mortifying! (I can't believe I am commiting this to paper) I had moved to Germany to live with my first husband, Chris. When he finally got back from his 4 week army jaunt, he decided we would go shopping. We took the bus for the 20 min...
Before reading this story, you have to bear in mind that I had a sheltered, strict, middle-class British upbringing...not to mention that I was only just 18 and it was the seventies ! This may not be an embarrassing moment for some, but for me, it was mortifying! (I can't believe I am commiting this to paper)
I had moved to Germany to live with my first husband, Chris. When he finally got back from his 4 week army jaunt, he decided we would go shopping. We took the bus for the 20 minute ride into Dusseldorf. First shop, right by the bus-stop was Karstadt - a big multilevel superstore..I was fascinated by the quantity of goods, quite different from anything I had seen in England..we spent hours in the store.
When we eventually surfaced..we made our way down the high street and came across a small shop with no displays in the window, just a door with frosted glass with stairs leading to an upper floor. Halfway up the stairs, Chris let me know that it was a 'sex' shop, honest to God - I didn't even know what that meant! (we didn't have those in England) I refused to go any further and he went up the stairs alone...5 minutes later he appeared and handed me a small white plastic carrier bag....a gift (how sweet)
We finished our shopping and went home.
When I opened this bag, there was a fake, flesh-pink plastic penis shaped thing !! I really didn't know what it was, or what it was for. Chris, looking at my expression, rolled about laughing as he explained what it was and what it was actually for. I wasn't sure if he was winding me up - but I told him point blank, it wasn't coming anywhere near me!! Whilst sat in his chair, he switched it on....Nothing! He continued to fiddle around with it in our living room, and even with the new batteries he'd purchased, it failed to work...I thought it was highly amusing, that it had faulty wiring..a vibrator which didn't vibrate...hillarious ! Chris threw it to me and I tried to get the wire in the right place (it being too fiddly for him) Just then, there was a knock at the door. I stuffed everything down the side of the chair and got up to answer.
Ivor, a higher rank than Chris, and the only person I had met in Germany (once) was standing there. He was a larger than life kind of man, older, loud and smiley! He brushed his way past me, inviting himself in for a coffee (a concept new to me) He proceeded to the living room, whilst I dutifully went into the kitchen to put t...
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I'm not what I consider to be a clumsy person, apart from being born with 2 broken collar bones, I've managed to get to this grand age without too much incident. When I go through my 'ill' phases, I tend to walk into door frames or the corner of a table - nothing drastic, just my balance/judgement out of sinc. Last week, we decided to take my daughter and two grandaughters to the beach. It was a nice sunny evening and we bundled them (and the dog) into our small car. We arrived at Dy...
I'm not what I consider to be a clumsy person, apart from being born with 2 broken collar bones, I've managed to get to this grand age without too much incident. When I go through my 'ill' phases, I tend to walk into door frames or the corner of a table - nothing drastic, just my balance/judgement out of sinc.
Last week, we decided to take my daughter and two grandaughters to the beach. It was a nice sunny evening and we bundled them (and the dog) into our small car. We arrived at Dymchurch, parked in the local carpark and headed for the fish and chip shop.
We had chosen Dymchurch, and that particular Fish & Chip shop because the last time we'd frequented it there, it was..well, cheap as chips ! Unfortunately, the shop had new owners - and new (inflated) prices but it was too late, we had already ordered !
The grandchildren took great delight in feeding their dinner to the sea gulls. We went onto the beach and my youngest grandaughter, sophie, threw herself into the cold seawater...so much for paddling!
On the sand, across our path, was a small trickle of water - just a couple of feet wide. "Go on mum" my daughter said "you can jump that". "that little bit of water" I said "of course I can". I took a run and (self concious) jump and as I landed my knees buckled, my whole body fell forward with a hard smack on the sand - which was as hard as concrete for some unearthly reason ! My face still imprinting the sand, I couldn't move..injured knees and injured pride kept me there for several minutes. My husband, daughter and grandaughter were laughing like I have never heard, and Sophie was 'tutting' with disappointment because she'd missed it.
All week, my knees and shins had changed to various 'bruise' colours and the swelling had almost gone when I decided to have a little wonder to the end of our garden to see how the veggies were doing! My husband had sectioned off half the garden with a low (temporary) fence so that he can dig and grass seed it, without the dog getting to it. He was the other side of the fence and said " hay Ang, come look at this, your turnips have sprouted" (no, I'm not making this up) I dutifully obliged, forgetting about the low fence and went 'flying' over it !! Again, I landed flat on my face - this time groaning in agony, my back and everything I hadn't hurt the first time, now causing pain. Vic was laughing, trying to instil some modicom of concern in his voice, offering to call an amb...
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We're going shopping. To the most redneck awesome store there is. Walamart is like totaly the best store ever. I mean it has everything! It's got cat litter and fish food. It's got paper towels and pudding, febrezze and beans(hehehehe beans beans the musical fruit the more you eat the more you toot the more you toot the better you feel so lets eat beans for every meal ), and every color, flavor and smell of shampoo.
We're going shopping. To the most redneck awesome store there is. Walamart is like totaly the best store ever. I mean it has everything! It's got cat litter and fish food. It's got paper towels and pudding, febrezze and beans(hehehehe beans beans the musical fruit the more you eat the more you toot the more you toot the better you feel so lets eat beans for every meal ), and every color, flavor and smell of shampoo.
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this is my 1060th poem of the year http://allpoetry.com/poem/6726486
this is my 1060th poem of the year
http://allpoetry.com/poem/6726486
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As the years go by and we age, we find ourselves wiser in ways that we could not have begun to think. We know more about what life has to offer in all of it's glorious dictations. Each year brings more experience to add on to what we already have been through and with such, the things we know seem to expand and show us a different idea of what we could do. Another idea expands off of one we had previously, and life passes by in a manner that we could never really understand. Each year is a re...
As the years go by and we age, we find ourselves wiser in ways that we could not have begun to think. We know more about what life has to offer in all of it's glorious dictations. Each year brings more experience to add on to what we already have been through and with such, the things we know seem to expand and show us a different idea of what we could do. Another idea expands off of one we had previously, and life passes by in a manner that we could never really understand. Each year is a reminder of how long we have been in this world, but fret not, most of us are still alive.
Today, a real friend has his birthday... one in which I view as a brother. I don't need to say his name, but I will anyways. David Halberstadt, also known as Knightmare Oblivion, turns 25 today. He is someone that I see as a brother, and nobody is allowed to mess with him.... except me. Nah, just fuckin with you, David. We all know that you're only a quarter of a century old, but hell, hopefully, your rickety ass will be old enough that we can sit on a porch and think about all the 'good ole days'. One of these days, I'd find it fuckin awesome to meet you in person.
For those in the future:
If I find out your birthday, then I might just wind up writing a journal to the idea of what I think of ya. Only difference, David will forever be the truest idea of what a brother is to me outside of maybe save one person.
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Right the aim is take your mp3/ipod whatever and set it to shuffle,for each ' life event' there is a song,when you've selected the first song press forward....let the shuffle do it's job,the next song is for the next 'life event' get it.............let me show you. Warning,results can be amusing. BIRTH - Alejandro,lady gaga LEARNING TO WALK - bother,stone sour FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL - forever and always,bullet for my valentine FIRST CRUSH - joleen,dolly parton ...
Right the aim is take your mp3/ipod whatever and set it to shuffle,for each ' life event' there is a song,when you've selected the first song press forward....let the shuffle do it's job,the next song is for the next 'life event' get it.............let me show you.
Warning,results can be amusing.
BIRTH - Alejandro,lady gaga
LEARNING TO WALK - bother,stone sour
FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL - forever and always,bullet for my valentine
FIRST CRUSH - joleen,dolly parton
FIRST BREAK UP - kill miss america,murderdolls
GRADUATION - greensleeves,mozart
WALKING - phychosocial,slipknot
FIRST DAY AT WORK - satanic mantra,murderdolls
DRIVING - personal jesus,marilyn manson
FALLING IN LOVE - stand by me,ben e king
GETTING MARRIED - the logical song,scooter
HAVING KIDS - guns and roses,novenber rain
GETTING OLD - vermillion part 2,slipknot
DIEING - 1973,james blunt
FUNERAL - blue orchid,white stripes
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Okay, So... I was really bored on youtube and my friend Kristy (Kristina) told me to look up some stupid video about some chick in the projects talking about how she almost got raped, and stuff... So... I watched it, and almost died of laughter. They made a song out of it. The Bed Intruder Song! The Lyrics: [Antoine Dodson - Talking] Well. . .Obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park, [Antoine Dodson - Singing] He’s climbing in your windows H...
Okay, So... I was really bored on youtube and my friend Kristy (Kristina) told me to look up some stupid video about some chick in the projects talking about how she almost got raped, and stuff... So... I watched it, and almost died of laughter. They made a song out of it.
The Bed Intruder Song!
The Lyrics:
[Antoine Dodson - Talking]
Well. . .Obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park,
[Antoine Dodson - Singing]
He’s climbing in your windows
He’s snatchin your people up
Tryna rape em so y’all need to
Hide your kids, hide your wife
Hide your kids, hide your wife
Hide your kids, hide your wife
And hide your husband
Cuz they’re rapin errbody out there
You don’t have to come and confess
We’re lookin for you
We gon find you
We gon find you
So you can run and tell that,
Run and tell that
Run and tell that, homeboy
Home, home, homeboy
We got your t-shirt
You done left fingerprints and all
You are so dumb
You are really dumb–for real
[Elizabeth Gentle]
The man got away leaving behind evidence.
[Kelly Dobson]
I was attacked by some idiot in the projects.
[Antoine Dodson - Singing]
So dumb, so dumb, so dumb, so dumb.
He’s climbing in your windows
He’s snatchin your people up
Tryna rape em so y’all need to
Hide your kids, hide your wife
Hide your kids, hide your wife
Hide your kids, hide your wife
And hide your husband
Cuz they’re rapin errbody out here
You don’t have to come and confess
We’re lookin for you
We gon find you
We gon find you
So you can run and tell that,
Run and tell that
Run and tell that, homeboy
Home, home, homeboy
So... yeah, It wouldn't let me put the link in here, So I left it in the comments box.
HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!!
...and don't forget to HIDE YA KIDS, AND HIDE YA WIFE. for real.
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"I don't give a fuck about you so get out the damn window and stop waving at me you crazy son of a bitch" Yeah I don't know, feeling really randomly happy lol. Oh, and I would never say that out loud lmao just did for fun. Apathy=robot XD
"I don't give a fuck about you so get out the damn window and stop waving at me you crazy son of a bitch"
Yeah I don't know, feeling really randomly happy lol. Oh, and I would never say that out loud lmao just did for fun. Apathy=robot XD
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So I'm really bored. Ask me some questions. I would love to answer anything (:
So
I'm really bored.
Ask me some questions.
I would love to answer anything (:
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If a turtle loses its shell is it naked or homeless? The people that spend $2 on one bottle of Evian water know that 'Evian' spelt backwards is 'Naive' ? I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Do th...
If a turtle loses its shell is it naked or homeless?
The people that spend $2 on one bottle of Evian water know that 'Evian' spelt backwards is 'Naive' ?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of it's nose?
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Can animals commit suicide?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?
Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?
If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
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Hi dear Poetry Family: Yes it is me....have been thinking about a name change....as some of you know I showed my feisty self (which I never knew I really had that much, only in the last months) when enough is enough.... Perhaps it is just me today, but in the world of some personalities that are like drill sargeants, I have at last said No thank you...Not today.....and I feel guilty...but it had to happen...
Hi dear Poetry Family:
Yes it is me....have been thinking about a name change....as some of you know I showed my feisty self (which I never knew I really had that much, only in the last months) when enough is enough....
Perhaps it is just me today, but in the world of some personalities that are like drill sargeants, I have at last said No thank you...Not today.....and I feel guilty...but it had to happen!
Seems like the roaring dragon lurked down inside me all these years and she is no Sleeping Beauty when she woke up.........
Enough about me thinking I am an angel....Also when I am confronted with some wrong doing going on.....I do not put a bandaid on it...I come to the aid of another...a she bear for her cub....one she loves.
I have been told I am a force of nature.....Hmmm...perhaps I am....
Tell me...do you think I suit this name......and should I switch over.,...and be honest....I can live with it better than you just being nice..
Snapdragon just woke up and it is on her mind!...
And....oh yes....Snapdragons a flower if you didn't guess, and they come in almost all the colors of the rainbow...
A rose is a rose so they say....And an angel is an Angel???????
Oh my...give me a break from the sanctimonious thoughts.....I would like to be.......Oh, Lawd, have mawsy! as I taught my step grandson to say, like the little mamma in Gone with the Wind...Oh, how I loved to see him with the dramatics with me, raising his arms up in the air like holding his apron, and how we would all laugh together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just when life would send me around the bend, Grand central station and all...
you all....Rosemary (alias that ) ....bah humbug!
Hope I have you laughing a little too...
(julie nightinga...
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I wasn't nessasarily thrilled wit the idea of a child on the way. First, we weren't ready. Second, How was the child to be born? Third, where were we going to let the child sleep? Lastly, I was going to miss my sleep. We don't have any idea of how things are going to work, people were going to start staring, we didn't have anything ready, not even an idea, and how was this even going to work out?? He has a girlfr...
I wasn't nessasarily thrilled wit the idea of a child on the way. First, we weren't ready. Second, How was the child to be born? Third, where were we going to let the child sleep? Lastly, I was going to miss my sleep. We don't have any idea of how things are going to work, people were going to start staring, we didn't have anything ready, not even an idea, and how was this even going to work out?? He has a girlfriend, I have a boyfriend, we didn'tlive in the same place... Or i thought we didn't.
Ahmed decided to "surprise" me. He had bought a house, and i was to help pay it oof, it had four rooms. I figured the extra room would be a guest bedroom, until we would turn it into playroom for Ashley... That is, until Ahmed took me aside and told me that we were going to have twins.. TWINS!! Both girls.
"Twins?"
"Yeah, twins."
"But.. But I thought we had Ashley."
"I guess guess girly number two likes to play hide-in-go-seek."
"Oh."
Stunned. Twins. I know this is cheesy, but this is double the trouble. Great, and I thought I wasn't going to get enought sleep in the first place. Less the sleep, bot more the love, I guess.
I let him choose the nxt name, because I got to chose the first one. He chose a beautiful name, Fatima. I thought that it was unique, not many kids with that name. The only thought with this whole thing is what my boyfriend and his girlfriend is going to say about this.. We're in a mess now.
So about five hours later, I told Bobby about Ahmed being pregnant and see if he wanted to move in the house with me.He was okay with it and said sure. I mean, Ahmed nd I were going out about three months ago, but bobby and is just curious about one thing. How did he get pregnant and not me? I have no clue.
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SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT THE TEACHERS LET THE MONKEYS OUT NO MORE PENCLES NO MORE BOOKS
SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT
THE TEACHERS LET THE MONKEYS OUT
NO MORE PENCLES
NO MORE BOOKS
NO MORE TEACHERS DIRTY LOOKS
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Here are some of the things me and Hess decided that would be funny and that we need to do... 1. Go to walmart and crawl on the floor and when people ask questions reply with____ A. I think i lost a penny and i need it B. I seemed to have misplaced my mind, have you seen it by chance? C. My friend said she lost her virginity here and i was trying to find it for her 2.Run around the store saying we're aliens from mars 3.Go to six flags, get on a big ride, then ...
Here are some of the things me and Hess decided that would be funny and that we need to do...
1. Go to walmart and crawl on the floor and when people ask questions reply with____
A. I think i lost a penny and i need it
B. I seemed to have misplaced my mind, have you seen it by chance?
C. My friend said she lost her virginity here and i was trying to find it for her
2.Run around the store saying we're aliens from mars
3.Go to six flags, get on a big ride, then right before it starts poof out your stomach and nudge the person next to you and say "man i hope i don't give birth on here"
4.Ransack the dollar store and act crazy, maybe they'll put us in a mental institution
5.Start a food fight at the mall in the food court.
6.Walk around the store with arms out like a zombie and chase little kids and say "must destroy small people"
7.Drench yourself with water then go somewhere with a big umbrella and raincoat on a really dry day and be like...man....that rain is hectic.
8.Make up stupid random songs and go around to houses on christmas and sing them. hess will rap and i'll be the dj. wikki wikki wik.
9.cover ourselves in fake blood and walk into a restaurant and say....*sigh* i hate children.
10.Go to an ice cream parlor and ask for the flavor choices and then say you don't like any of them and go to the end of the line then do the same thing again...a few times.
11.when someone tries to speak to you say "no hable espanol?!" and then when they say something else....say "QUE?! no se?! NO HABLE!" then start yelling "NO HABLE NO HABLE ESPANOL...SILENCIO PORFAVOR"
12.grab a bunch of stuff and then when your paying out grab a bunch of pieces of notebook paper that you colored with crayons to look like money and be like "one, two, three hundred, forty seven and sixty two cents. here ya go"
13.sit in front of a window with model manikans (one with a black manikan) and sit down and start crying...and if someone asks say "I just looked in that mirror (point to the window) and something happened....i turned black!!!!"
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I doubt anyone even remembers me. I used to be Herbicide, but I've changed it to a name that suits me more. I use the same username for many sites to boot. I became inactive for a long time for a number of reasons. I guess I just got bored/too busy to be here. My life has...taken an unfavorable turn for the past two years. I've been writing more poetry to help me cope. Now that I was writing again, I wanted to find a good community to share it with (which was surprisingly h...
I doubt anyone even remembers me. I used to be Herbicide, but I've changed it to a name that suits me more. I use the same username for many sites to boot.
I became inactive for a long time for a number of reasons. I guess I just got bored/too busy to be here.
My life has...taken an unfavorable turn for the past two years. I've been writing more poetry to help me cope. Now that I was writing again, I wanted to find a good community to share it with (which was surprisingly hard). So I decided to come back here and become active again.
Though, I've forgotten how many things here worked now. Heh, it's like I'm new all over again.
I don't really have much else to say. Thanks for reading, feel free to message, please read my new poetry, yadda yadda.
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the scene begins .. the young father is sitting in a room with his 6month old baby boy Scooter whos laying in a play pen in the centre of the room, a baby bottle in his mouth and a cheeky grin on his cute little face ,not even knowing that mommy had died giving birth and making the greatest sarifice to bring about his new life , the father .. joe Wasnt prepared for such an event either and being a boy from the bush he just took the reins , doing what he could and promising to take g...
the scene begins .. the young father is sitting in a room with his 6month old baby boy Scooter whos laying in a play pen in the centre of the room, a baby bottle in his mouth and a cheeky grin on his cute little face ,not even knowing that mommy had died giving birth and making the greatest sarifice to bring about his new life , the father .. joe
Wasnt prepared for such an event either and being a boy from the bush he just took the reins , doing what he could and promising to take good care of baby no matter what transpired . ..
Now joe wasnt trained to be a daddy but he did have house skills and common sense but he just didnt understand the usual routines of infancy and believed that a baby like a puppy can be trained with the old repitition and reward method and good behaviour was rewarded with little treats and bribes,
Like all babies, Scooter was quite happy to do his natural bodily functions happen in his nappy when ever the body said so he knew not that there were valid reasons why joe was
trying to train him to use the potty even tho joe tried to explain it to him every training session and heres how it goes ...
baby looks up at daddy , daddy says.. What have you done? , as he sniffs the air around him ..
Surely you havent squeezed out another nugget have you baby boy? daddy wont be happy if you have , we only changed you a half hour ago , Scooter pulls bottle from mouth and bangs it on the side rail of the pen with a beaming grin and giggles looking at daddy with big brown eyes .
Oh no you have have havent you,! daddy says as a viel smell whoffs up his nostrils, geez Scooter.. that irish stew i fed you last night has really got you going hasnt it ya little toad! you reek , he picks baby up and sees the poop oozing out the leg hole of the nappy ,
Oh my god lad its out on the back lawn with you and a little hosing down i reckon , theres no way a wipe is guna clean that up and daddys just cleane the bath tub so out we go , he carries baby outside holing bay out in front of him and little reminants of the event plop on the floor, crickey its cold out her he mumbles putting Scooter down on the lush green lawn . daddy be right back just got to grab my jacket , as he ducks back inside and reemerges wearing a warm lumber jacket and begins undoing the plastic nappy tags .
phew !youve really filled this one havent ya little guy .. YUKIES...
Scooter giggles again and shivers , tiny goose bumps...
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today we went to morrisons, which you know is all well and good coz morrisions was manufactured out of PURE AWESOME. and we had crossed everything off the list except for pasta, so i, naturally, rang like a LOOOOOON to the pasta isle with the trolley, skidding round the corner in the most professional (plonkerish) fashion. the ma and papa and nana (it was truly an outing for the generations) arrived EVENTUALLY, and just picked up the SAME OLD TWIZZLY PASTA... WHO DOES THAT...
today we went to morrisons, which you know is all well and good coz morrisions was manufactured out of PURE AWESOME. and we had crossed everything off the list except for pasta, so i, naturally, rang like a LOOOOOON to the pasta isle with the trolley, skidding round the corner in the most professional (plonkerish) fashion. the ma and papa and nana (it was truly an outing for the generations) arrived EVENTUALLY, and just picked up the SAME OLD TWIZZLY PASTA...
WHO DOES THAT?!
where's their spontaneity?! why cant they get more awesome pasta once in a while?! there's tube pasta or shell pasta or butterfly pasta or PASTA WHICH MAKE FACES AND LETTERS SO YOU CAN SPELL OUT YOUR NAME ON THE DINNER PLATE!!
so i said "we need pasta with more UMF..."
but no
twizzly pasta.
plain old twizzly pasta...
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He IS! My cat Miyou watches me eat, and watches me sleep and waits outside the bathroom door for me. Lays on my stomach, sneezes in my face, and meows everytime I take 3 steps. He sits on the backk of the couch so he can claw the back of my head and get my attention. And sometimes when I play my video ames, he becomes a statue and his eyes stonily watching me, like he's my bodyguard. It's really obnoxious but really cute at the same time.
He IS! My cat Miyou watches me eat, and watches me sleep and waits outside the bathroom door for me. Lays on my stomach, sneezes in my face, and meows everytime I take 3 steps. He sits on the backk of the couch so he can claw the back of my head and get my attention. And sometimes when I play my video ames, he becomes a statue and his eyes stonily watching me, like he's my bodyguard. It's really obnoxious but really cute at the same time.
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I am interested in Quiz programs and two things often capture my attention while watching a phone-in Tele Quiz. One is that most people ask for easy questions. It is an involuntary volition. The second thing is that the participants often ask for clues. ‘An easy question please’ ‘Any clue?’ Those who conduct the Tele Quiz are very tolerant to these pleas. They won’t get offended. They can’t get offended because it is a T V show being watched by millions. The quiz has ...
I am interested in Quiz programs and two things often capture my attention while watching a phone-in Tele Quiz. One is that most people ask for easy questions. It is an involuntary volition. The second thing is that the participants often ask for clues.
‘An easy question please’
‘Any clue?’
Those who conduct the Tele Quiz are very tolerant to these pleas. They won’t get offended. They can’t get offended because it is a T V show being watched by millions. The quiz has got its lighter aspect like entertaining the viewers. So, the rigorosity of a normal quiz is largely lost. The anchors who are mostly girls would simply smile and make a remark like the following-
‘It seems that this is going to be an easy question’.
‘Sorry. There is no clue for this. It is the name of a place’.
I am unable to digest the repetative requests of ‘an easy question please’ and ‘a clue please’ by most of the participants. It has become more or less a ritual, a reflex action on the part of the participants who are mostly boys and girls. It is as if, if they don’t repeat this, they are disqualified from the competition!
If I were the quiz master I would not allow this. If any participant asks for an easy question, I will invariably say –
‘Do you expect an easy question like the sum of two plus two’?
Or I will reply in the following manner –
‘All questions are easier ones provided you know their answers. If you can’t answer, any simple question can amount to a paramount also. Without hearing your answer, how can I say that my question is a tough one or an easier one? Try to hear my question first. Try to answer my question first. Then we can decide whether it is an easy one or not’.
What shall I reply for a ‘clue please?’
‘While you are writing an examination, who is going to give you any clues for the questions other than your own level of awareness?
Or, I shall give clues in the following way. I know that most of the people are weak in remembering years and so would chose a question related to a particular year. The clues will be incidents related to other years from which the pariticpant has to deduce the correct answer. See the following example –
‘In which year did Einsten propound his Theory of Relativity?’
‘Sorry. I have no idea about it. Can you please give me a clue?’
‘It is an year. Okay. I will give you a clue. Listen. Einsten w...
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Ny Briken Rib ! Hi there everybody ! Wow, this is my firrst time writing in this coloumn so be generous when gudging me ok ! On Wednesday of last week Ihad a bad fall ! I fell into the corner of my night table. Ouch did it hur...
Ny Briken Rib !
Hi there everybody ! Wow, this is my firrst time writing in this coloumn so be generous when gudging me ok ! On Wednesday of last week Ihad a bad fall ! I fell into the corner
of my night table. Ouch did it hurt. Well I sent my wife an e mail as she wa already at work. I hadd it hurts but not too badly! So off i wnt to my prograamme ! Well about 1pm i I started to feel pain ! So i walked down tothe bathroom and checked out my chest in the mirror ! I waa ahocked ! You should have seen the size of the black and blue mark on my chest ! I went rigt to the office and they put an ice pack on it, and then we called my wiife at work ! She then called my brother who was at home and he ca,e and picked me up and took me to the Dr's. Well she had one look at the pain I was in ad she said to emerg you go ! So off we went to the Emergency !
By this time I was moaing and groanng so loudlly ! I was embarrased ! But i couldn't help it ! My wife arrived shortly and tried to calm me down ! I worked for a bit, but tthen itstarted up again ! So the nurse gave me three doses of pai killer and I started to feel a ltttle betterr ! Then I had to go down to x ray ! Well these teo girls asked me if I could stand up ! I just moaned loudly ! But they had ot lift me around and the pain waas so great I started moaning and groaning aagain !So then they wheeled me back to eemerg and I hsd to wait about an hour forthe dr.to cone and telll us what wwas on the ray ! Ny wife kep tellling me to go to sleep But jhave you ever tried to sleep im a hospital emerg room ! Well final y the dr. came by ! He said I probably ddid break my rib. But it didn't show up on the x ray !! So they sent me home ! Saying that it would heak all by itself in 6 to 8 weeks ! So there you have it my friend's ! My exciiting Day that I Brke My Rib!Q
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Seriously, one of THE most amazing shows ever. I could cry with laughter watching it. Quotes: Bernard: [phone rings] Manny? Manny, phone. Manny. [sigh] Bernard: Oh, I'll get it, shall I? [picks up] Bernard: Hello? Manny: [on phone] Bernard? Bernard: Manny. Where are you? The phone's been ringing. -- Fran: Do you know nothing about modern culture, Bernard? Beckham, Posh, Pokemon... Bernard: Pacman. It's pronounced Pacman.
Seriously, one of THE most amazing shows ever. I could cry with laughter watching it.
Quotes:
Bernard: [phone rings] Manny? Manny, phone. Manny.
[sigh]
Bernard: Oh, I'll get it, shall I?
[picks up]
Bernard: Hello?
Manny: [on phone] Bernard?
Bernard: Manny. Where are you? The phone's been ringing.
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Fran: Do you know nothing about modern culture, Bernard? Beckham, Posh, Pokemon...
Bernard: Pacman. It's pronounced Pacman.
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Bernard: Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.
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Bernard: [selling a book] Enjoy. It's dreadful, but quite short.
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[attempting to fill in his tax return form]
Bernard: "What is your mother's maiden name?" What's her first name? I just knew her as "Ma"! That'll have to do.
[writing on the form]
Bernard: 'Ma. Possibly deceased'.
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Customer: Look, there's no other way to say this, but I didn't come in here to be insulted.
Bernard: Well, I didn't ask for the job of insulting you. In another life, we could have been brothers. Running a small, quirky taveria in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins instead of wasting each other's time here in this dump. But it was not to be. So hop it.
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[after Manny has ran away and suffered a series of unfortunate calamities over the phone]
Fran: Well, where is he? How can I find him?
Bernard: Well, you could become a terrible event and happen to him.
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I recommend you watch it
Summary: Bernard Black runs his own bookshop even though he doesn't much like people who buy books and hates having customers...
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anti creative says: I think I'd like to die drugged & drunk out've my mind, in a car, headed 90, rolling through a city or valley of some sorts, driving off a cliff or drop-off somewhere. friend says: why? friend says: I think it would be a lot sadder. anti creative says: Than bleeding to death? anti creative says: Drunk & drugged out've your mind, not caring about the world; breaking the laws--the thrills of it while speeding everywhere; that rush of adren...
anti creative says:
I think I'd like to die drugged & drunk out've my mind, in a car, headed 90, rolling through a city or valley of some sorts, driving off a cliff or drop-off somewhere.
friend says:
why?
friend says:
I think it would be a lot sadder.
anti creative says:
Than bleeding to death?
anti creative says:
Drunk & drugged out've your mind, not caring about the world; breaking the laws--the thrills of it while speeding everywhere; that rush of adrenaline in doing what people are too piss-scared to do, driving off a cliff--deformed & bruised & bloodied & crushed under all that steel.
It's great. Oh god if that could be recorded..
friend says:
if you really wanted to do that
friend says:
I would film it for you, but there'd be no way for you to see it.
anti creative says:
Which is the terrible thing about suicide.
friend says:
haha it really is
Search synonyms for Humour: lawyer
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